


Azumanga Daioh drabbles

by KB9VCN



Category: Azumanga Daioh
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-02-01
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:16:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 231
Words: 24,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Published 1-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.</p><p>For the <a href="http://anime100.livejournal.com/"><strong>anime100</strong></a> "<a href="http://anime100.livejournal.com/70560.html">out of place</a>" prompt.</p><p>This contains mild adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Miss Classified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[out of place](http://anime100.livejournal.com/70560.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari swept into the room. "Good morning, class!!" she said. "I'm Miss Tanizaki, home room teacher for Class 3! If there's anything you don't get, just ask me!"

A male student nervously cleared his throat. "Uh, Miss Tanizaki? This isn't even a classroom. This is the boys' changing room for gym class."

"Oh," said Yukari. "Well, this is awkward, isn't it?"

And then, Nyamo came in. "What are you doing here!?" Yukari yelled. "This is the boys' changing room!!"

Nyamo was wearing eyeglasses, and she had let her mouth hang open. "If you can't beat them," Nyamo said, "join them."


	2. Irrational Exuberance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[impostor, swiftness, irrational](http://anime100.livejournal.com/71320.html)" prompt.

The Knucklehead Club was studying together for a math test.

Osaka turned to Kagura. "What makes this an irrational number?"

Kagura explained. "It's because that number can't be written as a fraction."

"Oh, I understand," said Osaka. "Thanks, Ka—"

Tomo pointed at Osaka. "IMPOSTOR!!"

Osaka gulped. "But— I really am from Osaka!"

"Not that!!" Tomo shouted. "A true Knucklehead could never understand a math problem with such swiftness!!"

She whipped out a handwritten booklet. "See!? It's right here in the Knucklehead Club rules!!"

Kagura sighed. "If you studied, instead of writing club rules, you might not be a Knucklehead either."


	3. Wake Up Shake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Feb-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[insomnia](http://anime100.livejournal.com/73931.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 22 of the anime.

Yukari sat up in bed, still half-asleep.

A woman stood in an open doorway, casting a long back-lit shadow into the otherwise dark room. She remained perfectly still, blankly staring wide-eyed at Yukari with a deeply disturbing open-mouthed smile.

She was holding a large knife. It was pointed at Yukari.

Yukari screamed.

—

"Nyamo!" said Yukari. "That wasn't funny! You know I can't sleep at my apartment, because of the construction noise!"

"Are you sure that you have insomnia?" Nyamo asked. "You were sound asleep in my bed. The only way that I could wake you up was the Osaka Method."


	4. Doggerel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written February 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Reused 27-Jul-2006 for the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #98 writer's choice prompt.
> 
> See also [_The Pink Panther Strikes Again_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pink_Panther_Strikes_Again).
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 7 of the anime.

Sakaki met up with Chiyo on a city street. A large dog was sitting next to Chiyo.

"Oh!" a blushing Sakaki said. "Does your dog bite?"

"Oh, no!" Chiyo said cheerfully. "Mr. Tadakichi is a Man of Character!"

Sakaki held out her hand, slowly and nervously, to pet the dog.

CHOMP!!

—

Sakaki kneeled in front of Chiyo, and held out her injured hand, to let Chiyo clean and bandage the injury.

"I thought you said that your dog doesn't bite," Sakaki said, a bit sadly.

"I did," Chiyo said. "My dog doesn't bite."

"But— why?—"

"That was not my dog."


	5. Caught A Lite Sneeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[caught](http://anime100.livejournal.com/74397.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Caught A Lite Sneeze](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caught_a_Lite_Sneeze)" by Tori Amos.
> 
> The "lubricant" is from a ["Calvin And Hobbes" comic strip](http://www.reemst.com/calvin_and_hobbes/stripsearch/1993/3/9/calvin_and_hobbes.html), and the "tiny fanged snails" are from a [Dave Barry newspaper column](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dave_Barry).

Yomi was chatting with her friends between classes. But then, she suddenly sneezed. "ATCHOO!!"

Tomo watched Yomi blow her nose. "Uh oh," said Tomo. "You're leaking brain lubricant."

Yomi sighed. "Don't be ridiculous, Tomo. I might have caught a cold..."

"I read about this in the newspaper," Osaka said. "When you're coughing and sneezing, and your nose is running?"

"Yes?" said Yomi.

"Those symptoms can mean only one thing," Osaka said solemnly. "Tiny fanged snails are eating your brain."

Yomi looked at Tomo and Osaka, and sighed again. "Someone here may have snails on the brain, but it isn't me."


	6. Tea Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[birthday, blossom, stain on a white shirt](http://anime100.livejournal.com/75228.html)" prompt.

The girls were sitting together, drinking tea and looking at the beautiful cherry blossoms.

"Today is April 8th," Osaka said. "It's the [Buddha's birthday](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddha%27s_Birthday)."

Tomo blinked. "I didn't know the Buddha had a birthday."

"That's right," Yomi said. "You're supposed to go to a Buddhist temple on April 8th, and pour sweet tea over the statue of the Buddha."

Osaka and Tomo suddenly poured their tea over Chiyo.

"HEY!!" Chiyo yelled.

"Sorry, Chiyo- _chan_ ," said Osaka. "But we didn't have a Buddha statue."

"My parents won't believe that explanation," Chiyo said, "when they see the tea stains on my white blouse."


	7. Not Buying It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Mar-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #90 "[shopping](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/128306.html)" prompt.
> 
> A slightly mean-spirited joke. I love all the girls just the way they are.

The girls were spending a day together at a department store.

Tomo walked up to Yomi, carrying a box. "Hey, Yomi! I finally got that thing that you told me to buy!"

Yomi looked at Tomo's box. "I've never told you to buy a board game, Tomo."

"Yes, you have," Tomo said. "You're always saying that I should get a Clue."

Yomi scowled. "That's not what I meant, Tomo!"

But then, Yomi paused, and looked around her.

Kagura had taken a new mountain bike down from a rack. She was balancing herself on it and popping wheelies in the store aisle.

Chiyo was also in Sporting Goods, near Kagura. She was jumping up and down, trying to reach a basketball on a high shelf.

The tall Sakaki was standing in another aisle of toys. She was hugging a Neco-Coneco stuffed animal with both arms, eyes closed, sighing happily.

And Osaka was nowhere in sight. The poor girl was on the ground floor of the department store, trying to step onto the escalator, and trying to remember if it was an "escalator" or an "elevator."

Yomi sighed. "Oh the other hand... I think ALL of us need to get a clue."


	8. Turn Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Mar-2005; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[turned around](http://anime100.livejournal.com/77262.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Turn Around](http://www.tmbw.net/wiki/index.php/Turn_Around) by They Might Be Giants.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Two students were moving some classroom equipment into a storage room, in preparation for the annual culture festival.

One of the students backed into a human skeleton, from a biology lab, that was standing by an open window.

"Careful!" the other student said. But it was too late. The skull of the skeleton snapped off its stand and fell out the upper-story window.

—

Yukari, Nyamo and the girls were walking near the school building, when something fell from an upper-story window.

"Yukari!! Look out!!" Nyamo shouted.

"Wha—" said Yukari, just before the falling object clunked her on her head and knocked her to the ground.

Yukari slowly sat up, rubbing her poor head. "What hit me?"

"Turn around," Tomo said.

"Turn around?" Yukari asked.

"There's a thing there that can be found," Yomi said. "Turn around."

"Turn around," Chiyo said. "It's a human skull on the ground."

Yukari gulped. "Human skull!? On the ground!?"

"Turn around," Osaka said.

Yukari turned around, and found the human skull on the ground.

And then, she ran away screaming.

Nyamo picked up the skull, and sighed. "This skull is cracked. Well, I guess we now know whose skull, of the two, is the thickest."


	9. A Word In Edgewise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Mar-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[gabble](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/55816.html)" prompt.

"Miss Sakaki?" asked Chiyo. "Why are you so quiet?"

Sakaki opened her mouth to answer.

Yomi and Tomo walked past them. Yomi was listening to Tomo babble and gabble, with a pained expression on her own face.

"I told them that I wanted a green one," an oblivious Tomo said, "but they told me that they only come in blue. So I said, 'What about the picture in your advertisement?' And they said, 'That was only a picture!'. And I was, like, 'Nuh-UH!' And they were, like, 'Yuh-HUH!'..."

"It's because of that, isn't it?" Chiyo asked.

"...yes," Sakaki said sadly.


	10. Back Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Reused 26-Oct-2006 for the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) writer's choice prompt.
> 
> Poor Yomi.
> 
> This contains mild cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo greeted Yomi as they changed their shoes. "Good morning, Miss Yomi... Is something wrong?"

Yomi slowly and carefully turned. "Hello, Chiyo- _chan_. My back 'went out' last night. But I should be alright, if I'm careful."

And then, Tomo walked up. "Oh no," Yomi whimpered.

Tomo leaned against Yomi heavily, and threw one arm over Yomi's shoulder. "How ya doin', Yomi?"

"YEEAAUGH!!" said Yomi.

Tomo blinked. "That bad, huh."

—

Chiyo returned from the nurse's office.

"How's Yomi?" asked Tomo.

"Um," Chiyo said, "she said that, when she gets out of traction? She's going to show YOU a world of hurt."


	11. Bad Marks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; angst; 100 words.
> 
> Reused 23-Feb-2006 for the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #97 writer's-choice prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 11 of the anime.
> 
> This contains cruel humor (it came out WAY darker than I first imagined it). Reader discretion is advised.

Kagura meekly sat at her desk, trying to hide her face. An eye-patch was drawn on Kagura's face, with one eye-lid "colored" in. Cartoon scars and stitches were drawn on her other cheek.

Tomo burst into hysterical laughter, but the other girls were more sympathetic. "Is that in permanent marker?" Chiyo asked.

Kagura began to cry. "Yeah! I took a short nap after lunch, and I woke up like this! Who could have done this to me!?"

Sakaki looked away. She was a gentle soul who took no pleasure in revenge— but the honor of Neco-Coneco had to be avenged.


	12. Perfect Pitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written March 2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> Reused 31-Mar-2007 for the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) writer's choice prompt.

Kagura had challenged Sakaki, on the baseball field, one on one.

She pitched a scorching fast-ball, but Sakaki batted it almost perfectly, with home-run distance— towards the school building.

Kagura turned, and gasped. "The window!!"

—

The other girls were chatting in their classroom.

"I heard a great new song, this morning," Yomi said. She bgan to sing it.

The classroom window suddenly shattered.

Yomi hung her head. "My singing voice isn't that bad, is it?"

"Miss Yomi?" said Osaka, in all seriousness. "The next time you sing, you'd better take off your glasses, or else you might break them too."


	13. Sounds Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Apr-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**anime100**](http://anime100.livejournal.com/) "[noisy, favorite, playful](http://anime100.livejournal.com/79245.html)" prompt.

Nyamo was walking along an open school building corridor.

She paused at an open window. She saw some girls playing an impromptu game of tag, before they went home for the day.

The PE teacher closed her eyes and listened. _That might be my favorite sound,_ she thought. _It's the noisy voices of playful young girls enjoying a game—_

She suddenly heard screams of disgust. She opened her eyes, and saw that Kimura had tried to join the game of tag.

Nyamo sighed. _And then,_ she thought, _there's the screaming when the faculty pervert tries to 'tag' a girl out._


	14. Multiple Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Apr-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #96 "[take a chance](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/135682.html)" prompt.

Yukari distributed an exam. "You may begin!" she said.

Osaka carefully read the first question. _OK,_ she thought, _I know the answer to this multiple-choice question. It's... 'A'?_

_Oh no!,_ she thought. _That can't be right! The first choice wouldn't be the answer to the first question. Maybe it's 'D'?_

_No, it wouldn't be the last choice, either. And I remember the last test, and the answer to its first question was choice 'B'. Maybe I should take a chance on 'C'..._

_But I know that it isn't 'C',_ Osaka thought. _I'm still pretty sure that the answer is 'A'._

_Well, let's skip the first question, and come back to it later. The answer to the second question should be... 'A' again!?_

Osaka dropped her pencil and held her poor head. _This doesn't make any sense at all,_ she thought. _The answers to a multiple-choice exam have to be mixed up! And the first two questions simply can't be answered with choice 'A'!_

Osaka re-read the questions until her eyes crossed, and then she carefully drew vertical lines under the answers. _Maybe the answers' letters aren't lined-up,_ she thought.

"Pencils down!" Yukari said. "Pass your tests forward!"

"Oops," said Osaka.


	15. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Jul-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[bludgeoned](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/71123.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after the infamous scene from episode 18 of the anime.
> 
> This contains the results of slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls returned to their classroom, after Tomo was 'punished' for striking a teacher with a lunch-tray.

"Is Tomo alright?" Chiyo asked Yomi. "She looks like she's stunned. Yukari- _sensei_ practically bludgeoned her with those lunch-trays. She might have got a concussion, or something."

"Nah," said Yomi. "If anything, Yukari- _sensei_ probably dented those trays on Tomo's thick skull."

Chiyo waved her hand in Tomo's face. "Tomo? Are you alright?"

"My name is Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire," Tomo said dully. "I have a mansion and a yacht."

Yomi grinned. "That didn't make any less sense than the things that Tomo usually says."


	16. Paintive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jul-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #110 "[paint](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/152400.html)" prompt.

The girls were spending an evening at the public playground.

Yomi leaned against a railing, and noticed a patch of rust. "Uh oh," she said. "It looks like they need to paint this railing."

Osaka walked up to take a look. She poked at the rust, pulled off a paint chip, held it up, and stared at it. And then, she suddenly popped it into her mouth.

"Miss Osaka!!" shouted Chiyo. "That paint might have lead in it!"

Osaka didn't answer. She was staring blankly into the distance, as she often did.

"Brain damage has already set in," Yomi noted.


	17. Sojourn Adjourn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Aug-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[sojourn](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/77269.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 22 of the anime.

Everyone walked from Chiyo's family's summer house to the cars. But Chiyo stopped, and looked back.

"What's wrong, Chiyo?" asked Osaka.

"This was our last summer sojourn together," Chiyo said sadly. "I don't want it to end."

Tomo grinned. "It doesn't have to end yet!"

Too late, Yomi remembered what Tomo did last year. "Look out!"

Before Nyamo could react, Tomo grabbed her car keys, and threw them deep into the woods.

Yukari blinked. And then, on an uncontrollable impulse, she threw her own car keys into the woods too.

Yomi groaned. "I'll never go anywhere with these lunatics again."


	18. Weighted Mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Sep-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**chain_of_fics**](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/) "[[name] sat down...](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/28058.html)" prompt.

Yomi sat down, a smile on her face. Her friends gathered around her school desk.

"Why are you so happy, Four-Eyes?" asked Tomo. "You look like the cat that ate the cream."

"Actually, I'm happy because of what I haven't eaten," Yomi said. "I've lost two kilograms!"

The other girls congratulated her, but Tomo huffed. "Your scale must have been wrong," she said.

"Nope," Yomi said. "I've double-checked myself on the school nurse's office scale."

"You must've got your figures wrong," Tomo said. "Literally."

"No, I triple-checked my diary. I've definitely lost weight."

"Then... um... the force of gravity must have weakened around your body!... Is that possible, Chiyo- _chan_?"

Yomi sighed. "Tomo, why can't you just be happy for me, for once?"

Kagura agreed. "C'mon, Tomo. Give it a rest."

"NO!" Tomo suddenly leaned over the front of Yomi's desk, to grab Yomi's collar. "There's GOTTA be a reason why you—"

Everyone heard an ominous ripping sound from the general area of Tomo's school-uniform skirt.

Tomo's raised bottom was at Chiyo's eye-level. "Um... Tomo?..." asked Chiyo nervously. "Have you?... gained?..."

As the worm turned, Tomo shrieked. "NOOOOO!!"

_This is the best day I've had in months,_ Yomi thought to herself.


	19. Catwoman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Sep-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "cat" prompt.

As the girls walked home from school, Yomi noticed that Sakaki's hand was bandaged. "Sakaki? Did that gray cat bite your hand again?" she asked.

"...yes," Sakaki said sadly.

Osaka suddenly had an idea. "Maybe the cats wouldn't attack you if you acted like one of them!"

Yomi raised an eyebrow. "You think so?"

Kagura agreed. "Yeah, that might work!"

"Why not?" Yomi said. "In fact, I've still got the ears from the school festival..." She reached into her bag, produced a pair of fuzzy cat-ears on a head-band, and put them on Sakaki's head.

Sakaki blushed. "Um... meow?"

"No, no," Kagura said. "You've got to act like a cat, Sakaki."

"BE the CAT," Osaka said solemnly.

Sakaki turned, and saw the low wall where the gray cat often slept in the sun. The athletic girl easily jumped up on the wall. She crawled a short distance on her hands and knees, and then curled up on her side like a cat.

Kagura reached towards her. "Don't lose your balance— OUCH!!" Sakaki suddenly bit her fingers.

Osaka also reached out. "You have to be careful around a cat." She gently petted Sakaki's head.

Yomi sweat-dropped. "Um, Sakaki? Are you... purring?"


	20. On Her Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[cavil, demagogue](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/81755.html)" prompt.

Yukari had once again summoned some of her language students for a spur-of-the-moment game of basketball. But they protested.

"Miss Yukari?" said Chiyo. "We don't have enough players for teams. It's only you, me, and Miss Yomi."

"We won't let that stop us!" Yukari said.

"We don't have a basketball," Yomi noted.

"A quibble! A cavil! The pickiest of nits!"

"And the gymnasium is closed for repairs," Chiyo said.

"Fear not!! We shall overcome!! You'll be inspired to do great things!!" Yukari gestured to herself. "For *I* am your teacher and team leader!!"

"More like our narcissistic demagogue," Yomi mumbled.


	21. Running Blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Sep-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "your eyes closed" prompt.

Kagura took a break from running laps on the school race-track when her friends walked up. "Still running laps?" Yomi asked.

Kagura nodded. "I think I could run around this track with my eyes closed, by now."

"Really?" asked Osaka.

Tomo suddenly shouted. "Do it, Kagura!"

Kagura sweat-dropped. "It's only an expression—"

"Why don't you give it a try?" Yomi said. "It might be fun. Sakaki could run beside you to 'spot' you."

"If you want to," Sakaki said gently.

"It's a challenge!" Tomo shouted.

"Um... okay," Kagura said nervously. "If it's a challenge..."

She and Sakaki took a four-point stance. "Remember, keep your eyes closed," Yomi said. "Three, two, one, GO!!"

Kagura stumbled a bit, but she found her balance quickly. She and Sakaki sprinted away, as the other girls cheered her on.

_Huh,_ Kagura thought. _This is kind of fun. Maybe I should train like this— WHOAH!!_

She lost her footing and stumbled forwards a few steps, and then fell into someone's arms.

"Keep your eyes closed!" Sakaki called out.

"Why?" said Kagura. "I just failed..." She opened her eyes— and found Kimura holding her.

Kagura whimpered. _I should have kept my eyes closed,_ she thought to herself.


	22. Spaced Parking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "arrangement in black and gold" prompt.

Yukari looked up, as Nyamo stomped into the teachers' lounge, grumbling under her breath. "Something wrong?" Yukari asked.

Nyamo grabbed her by her collar, dragged her to a back window, and pointed. "Look at the faculty parking lot. It isn't full, but I still couldn't find a space."

Yukari blinked. "So?..."

"See those golden-yellow stripes painted on the black asphalt? They're there for a reason!"

Yukari shrugged. "So my car isn't parked in one space. So what? Why didn't you just park next to my car anyway?"

Nyamo looked at the badly-damaged Yukari-mobile, and shuddered. "If you have to ask..."


	23. Mystery Meating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "what we had I cannot even say" prompt.

The Knucklehead Club sat back after an early cafeteria lunch.

"The main course was delicious today!" Kagura said.

"I wonder exactly what it was," Osaka said.

"Who cares?" Tomo said. "It was the best 'mystery meat' I've ever had!"

"By the way," Osaka asked, "Has anyone seen Chiyo- _chan_ today?"

The Knuckleheads stared blankly at each other, and then stared at their empty plates.

And then, they all began to cry loudly.

Chiyo, Yomi and Sakaki walked up, carrying trays, and sat down for a late-period lunch. "What's their problem?" Yomi asked.

"Maybe it was something they ate," Chiyo said innocently.


	24. Quorum Scrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[quorum](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/83293.html)" prompt.

The girls met early on a day off from school.

"What does everyone want to do today?" Chiyo asked.

"I'm afraid that we don't have a quorum," Yomi said. "Kagura and Kaorin couldn't come, and Sakaki's already wandered off..."

She waved a hand in front of Osaka's face, but Osaka was in her own little world again. "Osaka's here," Yomi noted, "but she's not really 'here'. And the Knucklehead doesn't count."

"HEY!!" Tomo yelled. "Uh... what's a quorum?"

"Goodness," Chiyo said. "How do we ever decide what to do?"

"We never really do anything," Yomi said sadly.

"Oh," said Chiyo.


	25. Hit Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Sep-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #119 "[music](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/165050.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 2 (the one with Osaka's hiccups.)

Tomo and Yomi heard recorder music. They watched as Osaka walked to school on the other side of the street, playing her recorder, and leading an entranced pack of mice and rats.

"Incredible," Yomi said. "Osaka has become a Pied Piper."

The evil gray cat, and several other cats, followed the mice. "Oh, look!" Tomo said. "The cats are entranced by the mice!"

Sakaki came into view, with a happy smile, behind the cats and mice. "And now, Sakaki's entranced by the cats," Yomi said.

Kaorin came into view, with a happy smile, just behind Sakaki.

Tomo and Yomi sweat-dropped.


	26. Fighting Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #120 "[fight](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/166762.html)" prompt.

Tomo walked up to Kagura— and flicked her in the forehead.

"OW!!" said Kagura. "Are you trying to start a fight!?"

"Yes," said Tomo.

Kagura rubbed her forehead. "Why!?"

"Why not?" Tomo said, as Yomi walked up. "You try to start fights with Sakaki."

"'Challenges'," Kagura said. "I challenge her."

"Challenge, fight— same thing," Tomo said.

"Actually, they're completely different," Yomi said flatly.

"Fine!" Tomo said. "I CHALLENGE you to a FIGHT!!"

"NO!!" Kagura yelled. "You're not making any sense!!"

Tomo's reply was cut off by a dope-slap from Yomi. "Trying to understand Tomo," said Yomi, "is a losing fight."


	27. Azumanga Of The Dead-Oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Oct-2005; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #121 "[vacant](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/168603.html)" prompt.

Yomi walked into her classroom— and walked into Tomo. "OOF!!"

"Sorry," Yomi said. "I couldn't find my glasses, this morning. I can't see a thing."

Tomo was bleary-eyed and sluggish. "S'alright. Didn't see you either. I was up late last night watching television."

Sakaki slowly walked up. "What's wrong, Sakaki?" asked Yomi.

"Eye drops," Sakaki said. "The school nurse just put them in."

Then Kagura walked up. "Man," she said, "I've been swimming in chlorinated water too much lately. My eyes are irritated too."

Chiyo walked past them all, apparently in a daze. "Excuse me... I forgot my homework in my locker. I worked on it all night..."

Yomi squinted, and found Osaka standing next to her, staring into space. "And Osaka is chasing floaters. There isn't a good pair of eyes in this classroom."

Yukari walked into the room, just after Chiyo left. All of the girls greeted her with vacant wide-eyed stares. "Good morning, Miss Yukari," the girls said, in perfect unison, in dull and lifeless voices.

Yukari slowly backed away from them in terror. "Zombies!" she gasped.

She turned, and saw Chiyo stumbling along the hallway. _That's the cutest zombie I've ever seen,_ Yukari thought to herself.


	28. Call To Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[adamant](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/85018.html)" prompt.

Kagura studied at her desk, with her arms flat against its top. She suddenly spoke. "Miss Yukari?..."

Yukari frowned. "Raise your hand, and wait to be called on."

Kagura protested. "But..."

Yukari was adamant. "No 'but's, young lady. Either raise your hand, or be quiet!"

"Yes, Ma'am," Kagura said meekly. She didn't raise her hand.

—

After class was dismissed, Kagura remained seated at her desk.

Yukari sighed. "Kagura, you can go now."

"No, I can't," Kagura said. "This desk must have just been refinished, and my arms are stuck to the desktop."

"Oh," said Yukari. "You should have said something."


	29. Origins Of Osaka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #1 "beginnings" prompt.

A very young but attentive and quick-witted girl was helping her parents unpack after the family had moved.

"You'll like Osaka, dear," the girl's mother said. "Some people say that Osaka isn't a place— it's a state of mind."

"It seems nice," the girl said in standard non-accented Japanese.

"We'll probably have to move back when you start high school," her father said. "But the experience will be good for you..."

The little girl didn't answer. Staring blankly into space, she had noticed the floaters in her eyes for the very first time.

Kasuga Ayumu had begun to change forever.


	30. The Poll Takes Its Toll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Oct-2005; crossover/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #96 writer's-choice prompt.
> 
> See also [_Oh My Goddess!_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_My_Goddess!)
> 
> Also using up one of my cross-overs for this first drabble— and breaking the fourth wall, while I'm at it. I posted a LJ poll to decide which fandom to claim for **fanfic100**. This is what happened after the poll.

Six high-school girls and four Yggdrasil goddesses crowded around a computer monitor, to check the results of Eric's LiveJournal fan-fiction poll.

Belldandy turned to face the high-school girls, and spoke sadly. "Congratulations. I'm sure that you'll—"

Tomo suddenly began to dance and sing. "Belldandy lost the poll, lost the poll, lost the poll! La la la la la!"

Belldandy's mouth fell open. She stared at Tomo, glancing back at the poll a couple of times. With a whimper, she bit her lip, and a blush came to her cheeks. And then, tears began to form.

Tomo froze. "Uh, Belldandy?... What's wrong!?"

A tearful Belldandy turned to her sister. "Skuld... I'm sorry. You wanted this, and I... just..."

"Oh no!" Skuld said. "It's okay!"

Tomo panicked. "That isn't how it goes!! You were supposed to say something like, it was Urd's fault, and not get all serious and stuff!"

Meanwhile, Yomi whispered to Peorth. "Tomo just made Belldandy cry. You get sent to, uh, Nifelheim for making sweet innocent Belldandy cry, don't you?"

" _Non_ ," Peorth said. "Belldandy is quick to cry. If everyone who made her cry was sent there, it would be full, _n'est-ce pas_?"

"Good point," Yomi noted.


	31. Happy Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #3 "endings" prompt.
> 
> If you haven't seen [_Citizen Kane_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizen_Kane)— this contains spoilers!!

The girls were chatting about the shows and movies that they had watched on television the night before.

"I finally saw the movie 'Citizen Kane'," Kagura said. "I never knew that Rosebud was his sled—"

"ARRGH!!" said Yomi. "I haven't seen that movie yet!"

Osaka walked up. "What's wrong, Yomi?"

Yomi explained. "Kagura told me about an ending, but I didn't want to hear about it."

"Do you mean, like, how we're all going to grow old and die?" Osaka asked. "And how most of us will never find true love?"

The other girls sweat-dropped. "Not... really..." Yomi said weakly.


	32. Midriff Riff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #2 "middles" prompt.

Tomo and Yomi were walking through a school hallway with Sakaki.

Yomi noticed that Sakaki's belly-button was exposed. "Have you grown out of another uniform, Sakaki?"

"...yes," an embarrassed Sakaki said.

Tomo pulled up her top, exposing her middle. "Good idea. It's hot today."

"Tomo!" said Yomi. "Don't expose yourself like that at school!"

Tomo smirked. "What's wrong, Yomi? Gain some weight?"

Yomi scowled, and pulled up her top too. "Hardly. But what if someone sees us?"

"What harm is there," Tomo asked, "in showing off our stomachs?"

The girls turned a corner and walked into Kimura.

"THIS," Yomi whimpered.


	33. Worriers At The Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #123 "[gate](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/171338.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 5 of the anime.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi, Tomo and Osaka stood at the closed gates of Chiyo's house. Tomo reached out to push the intercom button on the left pillar.

"Be careful," Yomi said. "I overheard Chiyo- _chan_ say that some new security devices were installed in the gate."

"So what?" Tomo asked. "We know how to page Chiyo- _chan_ now—" Just as she touched the button, a very loud alarm sounded.

Osaka turned to Yomi, who was grinning fiendishly and holding a compressed air-horn. "That was just mean," Osaka said.

"I couldn't help myself," Yomi said. "Look— Tomo jumped so high in fright that she's already inside."


	34. Unspeakable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 30-Oct-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[lackadaisical, laconic](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/87663.html)" prompt.
> 
> If you don't know _Azumanga Daioh_ — one of the few things that the child-genius Chiyo can't do is say tongue-twisters.

"Miss Yomi?" asked Chiyo. "Are you sure I'm the best person to present this group speech?"

"I have a sore throat today," Yomi said softly, "and you're the only other public speaker our group has." She gestured to the lackadaisical Tomo, the laconic Sakaki, and the spacey Osaka.

"Alright," Chiyo said, as she left for the front of the class. "I'll do my best."

She began to read the speech. "If you cross a course cross cow across a crowded crow cussing... um, course the crows curse..."

Yomi silently resolved to kill Tomo for adding a tongue-twister to the speech.


	35. Cabinet Position

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Nov-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[and the feeble brain scrambles desperately to translate](http://31-days.livejournal.com/306741.html)" prompt.

Nyamo had asked Yukari for some help. "Whassup?" Yukari asked.

Nyamo opened a large flat cardboard box. "This prefabricated cabinet was on sale because its Japanese assembly instructions are missing. But it has English instructions. And since you teach English..." She handed a booklet to Yukari.

Yukari sweat-dropped.

—

Nyamo stood back from something that barely resembled a cabinet. "Oh, this can't be right! We didn't even use all of the parts!"

"It's not my fault!" Yukari said. "A ten-year-old child could understand these instructions!"

Nyamo snatched the booklet away from her. "In that case, I'll ask Chiyo- _chan_ for help instead."


	36. Crossing Tan Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Nov-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #5 "outsides" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Osaka and Kagura's scenes in episode 22.

Osaka stared at Kagura— a bit too closely for Kagura's comfort— as a bored Yomi watched from her own desk.

"Did you only tan outside of your school swimsuit?" Osaka asked.

"Yeah, that's right." Kagura pulled one shoulder of her school uniform down. Osaka leaned in for an even closer look.

"You're 'uneven'," Osaka noted. "You should swim in bobby socks, opera gloves, and a ski mask. That way, the pale parts of your body can 'catch up'."

Kagura blinked. "Say, maybe I should—"

Yomi pounded her desk loudly for attention. "Kagura!! Haven't you learned to ignore Osaka by now!?"


	37. Great Green Globs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Nov-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #4 "insides" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Tomo's infamous scene in episode 2.

Kaorin found Tomo sitting outside on a bench, after school, studying something intently.

"What are you studying, Tomo?" asked Kaorin.

"Entomology," said Tomo, without looking up from her book.

Kaorin peered over Tomo's shoulder. "But... isn't that the English textbook from Miss Yukari's class?"

"Yeah," said Tomo, "and it's the book that I used to squash the cockroach today." She held it up to Kaorin's face.

Kaorin whimpered, clapped both hands to her mouth, gurgled, and turned and ran for the nearest bush.

"Huh," Tomo said to herself. "I guess she doesn't know what this slimy green bit is, either."


	38. Loafing Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #6 "hours" prompt.

Yomi and Chiyo both consoled and scolded Osaka over lunch, after Osaka had fallen asleep in Yukari's class again.

"Maybe you need more sleep, Miss Osaka," said Chiyo. "How many hours of sleep do you usually get?"

"Well," Osaka said, "I usually fall asleep in Miss Yukari's first-hour class... and I sleep in Mr. Kimura's second-hour class more often than not..."

Yomi sighed. "She didn't mean school period hours, Osaka."

Osaka didn't answer. She had fallen asleep on her lunch tray, using a large loaf of melon bread for a pillow.

"Actually, that bread looks nice and comfortable," Chiyo said.


	39. Where's The Beef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #128 "[sport](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/176008.html)" prompt.
> 
> Partly inspired by episode 21 of _Love Hina_.

"Miss Kurosawa?" said Chiyo. "You're in a good mood today."

Nyamo explained. "Yukari is finally treating me to a steak dinner, this evening, after I won our swimming relay race."

Yomi was impressed. "Miss Yukari is a good sport, after all."

—

Nyamo and Yukari sat in the local Yoshidaya Beef Bowl restaurant. Nyamo stared at the cheap beef bowl that Yukari had bought for her.

"What!?" Yukari said indignantly. "It has beef in it!"

"When you called our competition the 'Steak Cup' race," Nyamo said sadly, "I didn't know that the steak would literally be served in a big cup."


	40. So I Bit Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #7 "days" prompt.
> 
> Another "it's the oldest joke in the book" drabble...

Sakaki, Kagura and Chiyo were walking to school together.

Chiyo noticed that Sakaki was strangely forlorn. "Is something wrong?" Chiyo asked.

"I haven't had a bite in three days," Sakaki said sadly.

"Oh no!" Chiyo said. "Are you sick?"

Sakaki didn't answer. She saw the evil gray cat, sunning itself on a nearby wall, and darted across the street to try to pet it. She almost seemed relieved when the cat bit her hand.

Chiyo and Kagura winced. "You know," Kagura said, "when someone literally hasn't had a bite in three days, that's usually taken to be a good thing."


	41. Scheduling Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #8 "weeks" prompt.
> 
> This takes place one or two years after Yukari and Nyamo's scene in episode 5.

Once again, Nyamo had gone to visit Yukari during summer break, and found her friend sleeping in well past noon.

"I'm not letting you waste another summer break!" Nyamo said, as she dragged Yukari out of bed. "You've got six weeks! Work out a schedule, and DO something!"

"Fine!" Yukari drew another pie-chart in crayon. "It's done!"

Nyamo read the labels of the three largest slices. "Free time, swimming and sleeping. Oh well, at least you've added a fourth item. But it isn't labeled. What is it?"

"That," Yukari said, "is time I've set aside for you to nag me."


	42. Yen For Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[wheedle](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/90824.html)" prompt.

"Yomi, PLEEEEZE!!" Tomo whined. "Let me see your math homework! You always know all the answers, 'cause you're so smart..."

"You can wheedle me all you like," Yomi said, "but for once, you're going to do your own work!"

Tomo reached for Yomi's notebook. "Maybe I'll just take it!"

Yomi made a threatening fist. "Just try."

"Or maybe not... How about if I bought you off?"

"That would be unethical and possibly illegal," Yomi said, "and exactly how much are you offering?"

Tomo held up her five-yen coin from the festival suggestion box.

"You can't afford my prices," Yomi said.


	43. Book 'Em, Tomo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #9 "months" prompt.
> 
> One of my father's favorite stories from work was about a guy who said, "I read a book once," as if he'd read ONLY one.

Tomo and Chiyo found Yomi reading a book. "Reading again, huh?" Tomo said. "No wonder you have to wear glasses."

Yomi sighed. "It's the selection from my Book Of The Month club, Tomo. You know, some people enjoy reading."

Chiyo agreed. "Why, I just read that book, last night, myself."

Yomi sweat-dropped. "You read the whole book in one evening!? Even though you go to bed early!?"

Tomo rolled her eyes. "What's the big deal about reading books? *I* read a book once."

Chiyo sweat-dropped, but Yomi sighed again. "For most people, Tomo, reading a book isn't a once-in-a-lifetime experience."


	44. Hanshin Desu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Dec-2005; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #77 "what?" prompt.
> 
> What if Osaka mailed her stuffed toys from episode 7 to a friend?

A girl had received a package in the mail. "Who's it from?" her mother asked.

"It's from Osaka," the girl said, as she opened it.

Her mother chuckled. "I've heard of packages coming from out of town, but... Maybe Osaka sent you the Tsutenkaku tower."

"Actually, that's right." The girl held up a small stuffed toy.

Her mother pointed at the open box. "Then what's the other one?"

"Oh, that's Hanshin," the girl said.

Her mother's mouth fell open. She slowly turned back to the box. "Uh... Hanshin?..."

"That's right," the girl said cheerfully.

"Uh..." her mother said. "Uh..."

"Hanshin."


	45. Reelin' In The Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #10 "years" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 9 of the anime.

The girls watched Chiyo beg Sakaki to return her "stolen" height.

"I just thought of somethin' else," Osaka said. "Chiyo- _chan_ skipped five years to become a high-school student. But if she skips five years, every ten years, then..."

Chiyo was thoughtful. "When everyone else is sixty years old... I'll be ninety!?"

—

Yukari returned a graded test to her class. "Chiyo- _chan_ , this is the third test in a row you've failed. If you can't keep up with the work, you'll have to skip back a couple of years."

"It's a matter of life or death," Chiyo said solemnly.

Yukari blinked. "Huh?"


	46. A Bite With Bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #11 "red" prompt.

Nyamo found Yomi eating lunch. "Yomi?" said Nyamo. "Your croquette is all red inside."

"It's a 'Super Red Hot Chili Pepper' croquette," Yomi said.

"It sounds delicious," Nyamo asked. "Can I have a bite?"

Yomi frowned. "Um, are you sure, Ma'am? One bite gave Osaka hiccups for hours."

"Sure," Nyamo said cheerfully. She accepted a bite from Yomi without flinching.

Yomi was impressed. "Wow! You're pretty cool, Miss Kurosawa. Literally."

—

An openly-weeping Nyamo ran along a school hallway past Yukari.

"Nyamo!?" asked Yukari. "What's wrong!?"

"I tasted Yomi's lunch!!" Nyamo gasped. "I've gotta go swim laps with my mouth open!!"


	47. It'll Come Back To Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Dec-2005; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[auspicious](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/92822.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the last episode (#26).
> 
> This contains several inside jokes. Reader discretion is advised.

While waiting for the train to 'Magical Land', the girls walked up to some vending machines. A truck pulled away as they bought drinks, and something fell off it.

"It's my shoe!" Osaka said. "And it landed right-side up!"

"That's an auspicious coincidence," Chiyo said.

Osaka tried to buy a drink. "This coin keep coming back..."

"EEEEE!!" said Tomo. "It's the Chosen One!! The ten-yen coin from the shrine at New Year's!!"

"That's amazing!" Kagura said. "I wonder what else you'll get back today?"

Osaka finally bought a drink, and took a gulp. "* _hic_ *"

Everyone sweat-dropped.

"* _hic_ *" Osaka said again.


	48. Father Figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Jan-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #12 "orange" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Tomo's New-Year dream in episode 8.

Tomo was sleeping in class. She didn't stir until an unearthly orange creature floated up to her desk.

"Hello there, every-meow," Chiyo's 'father' said. "How are you, fine thank you."

Still half-asleep, Tomo looked up, and held out her arms. "Da— Daddy?"

Chiyo's father began to whack Tomo in the head. WHACK!! "What in the heck?" WHACK!! "What in the heck?" WHACK!! "What in the heck?"...

—

"Tomo hasn't fallen asleep in class for days," Chiyo noted.

Yomi agreed. "She said that your father, uh, whacked some sense into her."

"My father?" asked Chiyo. "Goodness. He certainly seems to get around."


	49. Fujiko Fiasco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Jan-2006; cross-over/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #13 "yellow" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Lupin III_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lupin_III) and [_You're Under Arrest!_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You%27re_Under_Arrest).

Kaorin shrieked from the back seat of the Yukari-mobile. "Miss Yukari!! That traffic light is yellow!!"

"We'll make it!!" Yukari yelled. She floored the accelerator.

"The light has turned red," Sakaki said, with nearly super-human calm, just before the Yukari-mobile entered the intersection.

"Who cares!?" said Yukari. "We made it!!"

Tomo leaned out of her window and looked behind her. "Uh, Miss Yukari? THOSE lights are red and blue."

Yukari groaned. "Not helpful, Tomo."

—

Miyuki and Natsumi returned to their patrol car after a long strange traffic stop.

"It's a shame," Miyuki said, "that a teacher can't be a better role-model for her students."

"It'd be lost on them," Natsumi said. "The girl in the passenger seat was in a world by herself. She kept yelling 'LUPIN!' at me, the whole time."

"Don't let her bother you, Natsumi. She's just a child."

"But I can't help it," Natsumi said. "She DOES bother me. It was the worst Fujiko imitation I've ever heard."

Miyuki blinked. "Really? Fujiko isn't that hard to do." The sweet and innocent police-woman held a coy hand to her mouth, utterly failing to sound anything like the sexy and wily thief. "LUPIN!!"

Natsumi groaned. "Not helpful, Miyuki."


	50. Bitter Isn't Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Jan-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #14 "green" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 18 of the anime.

Tomo was trying to buy a drink from another vending machine, with Yomi and Chiyo waiting behind her.

"AAUGH!!" Tomo said. "I wanted MILK tea! This is GREEN tea! And it's unsweetened!!"

"Just drink it," Yomi said impatiently.

"But— it'll be bitter!!" Tomo whined.

"Green tea is good for you, Tomo," said Chiyo.

"Oh, fine!!" Tomo threw her head back to drain the small cup.

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Don't CHUG it, Tomo!"

Tomo slowly lowered her empty cup. Her eyes had glazed over. "Yuck," she said weakly. "I think I just broke my tongue."

Yomi sighed. "We should be so lucky."


	51. Chocolate Cake For Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jan-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #56 "breakfast" prompt.
> 
> Just an excuse for Osaka to quote an old standup routine.

All of the girls slowly woke up, during a lengthy break visit to Chiyo's summer house, and made their way to the breakfast table.

"Whose turn is it to make breakfast, this morning?" Yomi asked.

As if on cue, Osaka walked up, carrying breakfast for everybody.

"Chocolate cake!?" Kagura said in disbelief. "For breakfast!?"

"Eggs are in chocolate cake," Osaka said, "and milk, and wheat! That's nutrition!"

"Osaka should make breakfast every morning!" Tomo said happily.

"What's to drink with the chocolate cake?" Chiyo asked.

"Grapefruit juice!!" Osaka said proudly.

"And by 'every morning'," Tomo said, "I meant, 'never again'."


	52. Why Is The Sky Blue?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jan-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #15 "blue" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 21 of the anime.

"Okinawa..." Tomo said. "OKINAWA!!"

She pointed at nothing, and then ran in circles. "The sky is so blue!! AAAHH!! AAAHH!! AAAHH!!"

"Just stay cool!" Yukari said.

"Miss Yukari!!" Tomo shouted. "Why is the sky blue!?"

Yukari opened her mouth to answer, but then, she froze. "..." she said.

"Oh! I know!" Chiyo said. "It's because the gas molecules in the atmosphere absorb and scatter light with short wavelengths, due to a phenomenon called '[Rayleigh scattering](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rayleigh_scattering)'."

Everybody stared at Chiyo. She sweat-dropped.

And then, Tomo reacted in the only way she could— she whacked Chiyo over the head.

"AGAA!!" said Chiyo.


	53. Color Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Jan-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #16 "purple" prompt.

"Hey, Osaka?" asked Tomo. "Do you remember all seven colors of a rainbow?"

Osaka pondered the question. "I'm not sure. I get lost after blue..."

They began to recite the colors, in unison, like they had recited the Chinese zodiac animals. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue... indigo..."

Then, as Chiyo walked up and watched them silently, they tried again. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue... indigo..."

Chiyo tried to help. "You should memorize the name 'Roy G. Biv'. That name will help you remember all seven colors of a rainbow."

"It will?" Osaka asked. "Does Mr. Biv know the last color?"


	54. The Crying Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[epigone](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

Tomo and Yomi watched Kagura and Sakaki cry loudly into each others' shoulders.

"Why is Kagura crying?" Tomo asked.

"Sakaki just defeated Kagura in another track-and-field event," Yomi said, "and you know how seriously Kagura takes a challenge. Kagura burst into tears, and began wailing about being Sakaki's epigone. She even called herself a 'second-rate Sakaki'."

"Ouch," Tomo said. "So why is Sakaki crying?"

"Because Kagura wouldn't stop crying," Yomi said.

"Oh," Tomo said. "Do you think they're having a crying contest?"

"I hope not," Yomi said. "If Kagura lost a crying competition, I'm afraid she'd have a nervous breakdown."


	55. Ick Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[incommunicado](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

Kimura was taking attendance in his homeroom class. "Is Kaorin present?" he asked.

Kaorin shuddered. "Mr. Kimura, please don't call me 'Kaorin'."

"But all your friends call you 'Kaorin'," Kimura said, in a hurt voice. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm not your friend!?"

Kaorin somehow kept her composure. "No, you're my TEACHER."

"But I have to be able to call on you!" Kimura said petulantly. "Otherwise, we'll be incommunicado. I guess I'll just have to think of my own nickname for you... sweetie."

Kaorin whimpered. "On second thought, just call me 'Kaorin'!! PLEASE just call me 'Kaorin'!!"


	56. In Soviet Russia, Cat Bites You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[sang-froid](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.
> 
> Inspired by silly fan-boy theories from [Koichan Azumanga](http://www.chiyochan.net/azu/), where Sakaki is a half-Russian whose first name is "Olga."

As Chiyo and Kagura watched, Sakaki was once again bitten by the evil gray cat.

Chiyo was both sympathetic to Sakaki's pain, and admiring of her sang-froid. "Miss Sakaki? How do you remain so calm when that cat bites your hand so hard?"

"Every morning, before school," Sakaki said distantly, "I drink three shots of straight vodka with my breakfast."

Chiyo and Kagura sweat-dropped.

As Sakaki walked ahead, Chiyo whispered to Kagura. "Do you think she really drinks vodka?"

Kagura shrugged. "She likes to tell those weird tall tales about your father... but then, heavy drinking could explain those too."


	57. Lure Of The Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[wunderkind](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

Chiyo had invited her friends to her house for an evening study group. After entering her room, Tomo began to examine her walls, occasionally rapping them with her knuckles.

"Um, Tomo?" asked Chiyo. "Are you looking for something?"

"Yes," Tomo said. "Your secret lair."

"Excuse me?" Chiyo said.

Tomo pointed at her. "You're a child genius!! A wunderkind!! And your family is rich!! You must have a secret laboratory!!"

Chiyo giggled. "That's silly, Tomo. There's no secret lair."

The wannabe ICPO inspector Tomo whined. "Oh, at least take me for a ride in your bubblecraft!"

"What's a bubblecraft?" Chiyo asked.


	58. Nautilusted Number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[sussuration](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

The girls were spending another day at the beach with Yukari and Nyamo. They happened to find some large sea shells in the sand.

Nyamo picked up a white conch shell and held it up to her ear. "Say, girls? Did you know that, if you hold an empty shell to your ear, you can hear the ocean roar?"

Osaka spotted another shell. She held it up to her ear, but instead of a distant oceanic sussuration, she heard nothing.

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Miss Osaka, that isn't a conch shell."

Osaka shushed her. "Not now, Chiyo- _chan_. They put me on hold."


	59. Pound For A Pound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[lucre](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

Osaka asked Chiyo another one of her strange random questions. "Chiyo- _chan_? Does England still use pounds?"

Chiyo blinked. "I guess they still have stray animals..."

"No, no," Yomi said. "Great Britain uses pounds for currency, but they measure most weights in kilograms. The US is the only major country that still uses pounds for weight."

Tomo smirked. "Trust Yomi to know all there is to know about measuring weight."

"You should go into international banking, Yomi," said Osaka. "You'd bring in the British lucre, since you know all about gaining pounds."

"I loathe and despise both of you," Yomi declared.


	60. Water Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #17 "brown" prompt.

Kagura and Sakaki saw another flower while walking to school with the others.

"Chrysanthemum?" Kagura asked.

"English Daisy," Sakaki said.

Yomi tut-tut'ed. "It's turning brown. It's not getting enough water."

"Oh!" Osaka said. "Does that mean that Chiyo- _chan_ drinks more water than the rest of us? Her hair is orange, but all of ours is brown or black."

Tomo shook her head. "If that was the case, then Kagura's hair would be the brightest color of all, since she's on the swimming team."

"OK," Kagura said, "not that this is unusual, but I have no idea what you're talking about."


	61. You Fail It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[ergo](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/99138.html)" prompt.

"How'd you do on today's test, Tomo?" asked Osaka.

"She failed it," Yomi said, even before Tomo could answer.

"Hey!!" Tomo said indignantly. "You don't know that, Yomi!"

"Sure I do," Yomi said. "She's Tomo. Ergo, she failed it."

Osaka was unexpectedly impressed. "That must be nice, to be that certain of your failure. I tried to study as much as I could for the test, and I worried about it, and I failed it anyway. Tomo, it's amazing, how you turn your problems to your advantage."

"Isn't it, though?" Tomo said smugly.

"That's NOT an ADVANTAGE!!" Yomi yelled angrily.


	62. In The Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #18 "black" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 23 (the last sports fest).

Tomo walked into home classroom— wearing the boys' uniform that she had briefly worn at the sports fest.

"Hey!!" Yomi yelled. "You can't wear that in here!!"

"Why not?" Tomo said. "It is a school uniform. And no one else wanted it back, anyway. I found it in the 'Lost And Found' bin."

"I wish we could wear black uniforms," Osaka said. "Black hides dirt and stains better than other colors."

Tomo gulped. "Suh— stains? What kind of stains?"

Osaka shrugged. "Any kind, I guess— hey! Where ya goin'?"

"To take this off," Tomo said, "and have my body disinfected."


	63. Pseudo-Tomo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #138 "[silence](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/190350.html)" prompt.

All but one of the girls were idly sitting in Yukari's classroom.

_It sure is quiet when Tomo isn't here,_ Chiyo thought to herself.

Yomi half-heartedly paged through a text book.

Sakaki watched the clouds drifting in the sky.

Kagura doodled in a magazine.

Kaorin watched Sakaki watching the clouds.

Osaka chased floaters in her eyes.

Chiyo suddenly yelled at the top of her cute little voice. "TAH DAH!! I'm Takino Tomo, the wild-cat high school girl!! What in the heck!? I didn't lose!! I'm runner-up!! RUN-NER-UP!!"

Yomi smiled sadly. "Thanks, Chiyo- _chan_. But, somehow, it just isn't quite the same."


	64. Until The Cows Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #19 "white" prompt.

Osaka held a blank white paper out to Yomi and Chiyo. "This is my drawing," Osaka declared, "of a cow eating grass."

"But there's no grass," Yomi said.

"The cow ate all of it," Osaka said.

"And there's no cow," Chiyo said.

"There was no more grass, so she left," Osaka said.

"You know," Yomi said, "I wish I could go back in time."

"Why?" Chiyo asked. "Do you want to go back and see the cow eating grass?"

"No," Yomi said. "I just want to get back the past few moments of my life that I've just completely wasted."


	65. Road-Tested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[autodidact](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/101249.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls were trying to relax after the long and harrowing drive to Chiyo's summer house.

"Miss Yukari?" asked Yomi. "Pardon my asking, but where did you learn how to drive?"

"Oh, I just taught myself a few basics," Yukari said cheerfully. "You could say I'm an autodidact."

Yomi groaned, but Chiyo took up Yomi's train of thought. "But— it's very difficult to get a driver's license in Japan! I mean, no one can get by in life if they never actually study at all!"

Yomi tapped Chiyo's shoulder, and pointed at Tomo.

"Oh, right," Chiyo said. "Um, never mind."


	66. Bus Gas Blast Gust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #20 "colorless" prompt.

The girls were standing on a busy corner, waiting to cross the street. A public bus passed in front of the girls, and a blast of exhaust reduced them all to a coughing fit.

"That was awful," Yomi said. "I hope that public transportation moves to alternative fuels soon."

"Vehicle exhaust is poisonous, isn't it?" Kagura asked.

"Yes," Chiyo said. "Exhaust contains carbon monoxide. It's colorless, odorless and tasteless, and yet, overexposure can eventually lead to brain damage."

All of the girls suddenly turned to Osaka.

Osaka sweat-dropped. "What?..."

"Osaka?" asked Tomo. "Do you live next to a bus station?"


	67. It's A Date To Celebrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Feb-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #139 "[festive](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/191698.html)" prompt.

The girls were preparing Yukari's classroom for their second-year culture festival.

"You're certainly in a festive mood, Miss Osaka," said Chiyo.

"Of course!" Osaka said happily.

"Why's that?" Yomi asked pleasantly.

"Tomorrow is our second-year culture festival," Osaka declared, "but it will also be the first-year anniversary of our first culture festival."

Chiyo blinked. "Um... doesn't that go without saying?"

"Apparently not," Yomi noted.

Yukari cut in. "Osaka has a point. You should cherish the precious memories of last year's festival. For example... The... um..." She trailed off blankly.

"Our teacher has failed to commemorate the occasion," Osaka said sadly.


	68. Cowtown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Feb-2006; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the sea king's palace](http://31-days.livejournal.com/414522.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Cowtown](http://www.tmbw.net/wiki/index.php/Cowtown) by They Might Be Giants.

A little mermaid happened to swim past a seabird with pigtails.

"Where are you going, Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo- _chan_ the seabird.

"I'm goin' down to Cowtown," Osaka the mermaid said. "The cow's a friend to me."

"He lives beneath the ocean?" Chiyo asked.

Osaka nodded. "And that's where I will be, beneath the waves."

"The waves?"

"Yes, that's where I will be. I'm gonna see the cow beneath the sea."

—

Yomi and Chiyo watched as Osaka stared blankly into space.

"I wonder 'where' Miss Osaka 'is' now," Chiyo said quietly.

Yomi sweat-dropped. "I'm not sure you would want to know."


	69. Adding Insult To Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Mar-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #21 "friends" prompt.
> 
> This takes place several years after the end of the anime.

Yomi knocked at the open door of a hospital room. "Hey, Tomo. Are you awake?"

Tomo looked up from her bed. "Yomi! What are you doing here?"

"Visiting a knucklehead." Yomi sat next to Tomo's bed. "So, Police-Woman Tomo was attacked while on duty. Is it serious?"

"Nah," Tomo said. "Just a minor concussion."

"Did the criminal break his weapon over your thick skull?"

Tomo giggled, and winced. "That's all the sympathy I'd expect from... Yomi?"

Yomi brushed tears from her eyes. "Damn it, Tomo. You scared me."

Tomo smiled shakily. "Aw, c'mon, Yomi. I'd rather you kept insulting me."


	70. The Ties That Bind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Mar-2006; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #78 "where?" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after the "love letter" scene in episode 3 and the "necktie" scene in episode 14.
> 
> This contains adult language and creepy adult humor. (Unfortunately, I couldn't answer 100 challenges without writing at least one like this.) Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari answered Nyamo's pounding at the door of her house. "Hey, Nyamo," said Yukari. "C'mon in. Whassup? You look like you've got something on your mind."

Nyamo held up a man's necktie. "Yukari, could I practice tying this on you?"

Yukari giggled as Nyamo pulled the tie around her neck. "Wow! We haven't done this in ages! Do you have a new boyfriend?"

"No." Nyamo suddenly pulled the knot tightly against Yukari's neck. "WHERE'S THE 'LOVE LETTER', BITCH!?" she shrieked.

"* _ack eep_ *" said Yukari. She weakly struggled against the much stronger P.E. teacher's grip.

Nyamo spun Yukari around, clenched the ends of the first tie in her teeth, pinned Yukari's wrists behind her back, and tied her tightly with a second necktie.

Yukari giggled again. "Sakes, Nyamo! You really must be hot and bothered! We haven't played this game in ages either."

Nyamo held up a third necktie in both hands, and pulled it taut with a snap, very much like a whip. "Give me the 'Love Letter', Yukari— or else I'll give you a night you'll never forget!!"

"Uh, Nyamo?" said Yukari. "I hope you realize that what you're doing now is much more incriminating than the 'Love Letter'."


	71. Lunch Crunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[alacrity](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/103356.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Tomo, Yomi and Chihiro's similar scene in the first episode.

"I'm going for sandwiches!!" Tomo announced.

"Grab one for me!" Yomi said.

"Me too, please!" Chihiro said.

As Tomo raced from the classroom, Yomi and Chihiro giggled. "Tomo has a lot of faults," Yomi said, "but at least she's dependable for things like this."

"And she does it with such alacrity," Chihiro said.

Moments later, Tomo returned with their lunches. "Sorry," she said, "but I dropped them twice, stepped on this one, and squished the other one under my arm."

"I've got to start packing a lunch," Chihiro said.

"I wonder if I still have my solid-metal lunch-box," Yomi said.


	72. Know Thy Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #22 "enemies" prompt.

Sakaki and Kagura were walking to school together. Kagura was looking all around them carefully.

"What's wrong?" Sakaki asked.

"I'm just watching out for cats," Kagura said. "We're in enemy territory, what with all of the cats around here—"

"'Enemy territory'?" Sakaki asked. "The cats are the enemy?"

"Well, yeah," Kagura said. "I mean, they're obviously your enemy, since they keep attacking you."

Sakaki suddenly began to cry. "Does that mean... that I'm... their enemy too?"

A touched Kagura rested a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Of course not, Sakaki. I don't think you could be anyone's enemy."


	73. Late Bloomers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #23 "lovers" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor that is just so completely, utterly and mind-numbingly WRONG. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi and Tomo met Mrs. Kimura in a clothing store. "Do you know where the high-school girls' athletic clothing is?" Mrs. Kimura asked.

"It's over there, Ma'am." Yomi pointed it out.

"Thank you!" Mrs. Kimura walked away, without bumping her head, for once.

"Isn't their daughter too young for high school?" Tomo asked.

"I think so," Yomi said. "I wonder whom she's buying for—"

Tomo gulped. "You don't suppose... she wears them... 'for' Mr. Kimura... when they—"

Yomi whimpered. "Don't go there, Tomo."

"I wonder if she tucks her T-shirt in for him—"

"DON'T GO THERE, TOMO!!"


	74. Sakaki O'Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #141 "[scared](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/194297.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Osaka's [knife scene](http://www.animegalleries.net/img/51863) in episode 22 of the anime.

"Is Miss Yukari the last person to wake up again?" Chiyo asked.

"Yes," Yomi said, "but we probably shouldn't let Osaka wake her again..."

"I'll do it," Sakaki said.

—

Sakaki kneeled at Yukari's side, and gently shook her shoulder.

Yukari slowly opened her eyes. She saw Sakaki kneeling over her. Sakaki remained silent, with her [stern and intimidating face](http://www.animegalleries.net/img/42480) half-hidden in shadow— and her strong hand was nearly around Yukari's neck.

—

The other girls overheard Yukari's terrified screams— again.

Yomi sighed. "Well, we could send in Chiyo- _chan_ , tomorrow morning. But if [Chiyo- _chan_](http://www.animegalleries.net/img/41718) scares her, I don't know what we'll do."


	75. Whirlwind Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Mar-2006; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #142 "[weather](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/195185.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after the similar scenes with Osaka and Chiyo in episode 12 of the anime. Also inspired by Real Life events.

A siren interrupted Yukari's class. "That's a severe weather alarm," Yukari said. "Everybody, assemble in the first-floor hallway."

Osaka paused, and stared through a window at a stormy sky. "Chiyo- _chan_?" she asked. "Didja ever wonder what it's like inside a tornado?"

Chiyo blinked. "Not really..."

"I wonder what it's like," Osaka said distantly, "when you first realize you're too close, and you can't escape... and then, your feet leave the ground, and your body is flung into the sky..."

Chiyo tugged at Osaka's sleeve, as if to stop her. She couldn't be sure that Osaka wouldn't act on her impulses.


	76. Don't Talk Of Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #25 "strangers" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 21 ("School Trip").

Yukari took Chiyo aside, and spoke with her privately. "Chiyo, remember to be extra careful while you're in Okinawa. You're still a very young girl. And don't talk to strangers, okay?"

Chiyo turned back, and looked at Sakaki, a girl with a strange obsession with her own father; Kagura, with a strange rivalry with Sakaki; and Tomo, with a stranger love of annoying Yomi.

Then Chiyo glanced at Osaka, arguably the strangest girl of all.

And then, Chiyo turned back to Yukari (who was often quite odd, herself), and sweat-dropped. "Um, Miss Yukari?..."

Yukari scowled. "Yes, Chiyosuke. Current company excepted."


	77. Singled Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #24 "family" prompt.
> 
> Poor Nyamo.

Nyamo was shopping on a Saturday afternoon when she happened to meet with another high school friend pushing a baby carriage.

Nyamo kneeled over the carriage. "She's so cute! Is this your second baby?"

"Third," the friend said. "Are you still single, Nyamo?"

Nyamo sighed. "I'm afraid so."

Nyamo's friend tsk-tsk'ed. "And you used to be so popular, too! Well, I'm sure you'll meet a nice family man soon."

Nyamo waved goodbye with a painfully fake smile. _I'm glad that it's Saturday,_ she thought. _I have all day tomorrow to recover from the heavy drinking I'm going to do tonight._


	78. Sock It To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For [**khriskin**](http://khriskin.livejournal.com/)'s "[one blue sock](http://drabbles.livejournal.com/45011.html)" prompt.

Tomo and Yomi had gone to visit Osaka at her house. They met Osaka as she pulled a package from her mailbox.

"What's that, Osaka?" asked Tomo.

"Let's see," Osaka said. She opened the box, and pulled out one blue sock. "Oh! It finally came!"

Yomi sweat-dropped. "Were you expecting one sock?"

"I special-ordered it," Osaka said, "after I lost one of my socks in the dryer."

Yomi sighed. "Wouldn't it have been less expensive just to buy a new pair—"

"Never mind that!!" Tomo shouted. "Could I order a single glove to replace the one I lost last winter!?"


	79. Dumb Animal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Mar-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**chain_of_fics**](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/) "[It's probably because you have a bigger brain than he does](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/38409.html)" prompt.
> 
> "But don't ask me what I think of you / I might not give the answer that you want me to."

"It's probably because you have a bigger brain than it does," Yomi said, as she bandaged Sakaki's latest cat bite. "Humans have the ability to learn to love, but animals mostly rely on savage instinct to survive."

She sat back. "All done. And for pity's sake, be more careful, okay? If the 'kamineko' bites you harder, you'll need stitches."

"Yomi?" asked Sakaki. "Do you think I'm stupid? I mean, for wanting to pet the cat?"

"Of course not, Sakaki," said Yomi.

Sakaki smiled.

"You may be obsessive-compulsive to the point of clinical insanity," Yomi said, "but you're certainly not stupid."


	80. Lifestyles Of The Rich And Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Mar-2006; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[manse](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/105309.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyles_of_the_Rich_and_Famous).

Tomo appeared on-camera, holding an ink pen like a microphone. "Welcome to the Mihama residence! Isn't it fabulous!? Well, isn't it, Yomi!?"

"Don't talk to the camera-person," Yomi whispered from behind Chiyo's video camera. "Get on with the interview."

Tomo cleared her throat. "* _ahem_ * Today, we have the honor of speaking with Miss Chiyosuke Mihama, the sickeningly cute child genius who lives in this eleventy-thousand square-meter manse! Say hello to your millions of admirers, Chiyo- _chan_!!"

The camera angled down and slowly refocused on a giggling Chiyo. "You're being silly again, Tomo," she said.

"And I don't know WHY!!" Tomo shouted.


	81. Pater Unfamilias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Apr-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[paterfamilias](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/107401.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 8 of the anime ("New Year's Dream Special").
> 
> This contains a lame inside joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari was reviewing some Latin phrases in her language class. "Who can tell me what _paterfamilias_ means?" she asked her class.

Yomi raised her hand. "The father of a family."

"Very good," Yukari said. "Can anyone tell me more about the phrase?"

The child genius Chiyo raised her hand. "It's an ancient Roman title. The father in a Roman household often had absolute power over his family."

"Excellent," Yukari said. "Does anyone have anything to add to that?"

The usually silent Sakaki suddenly raised her hand. "[They also hate Red Things](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Azumanga_Daioh_characters#Chiyo-Father)."

The rest of the class sweat-dropped. "Oohhh-kay," Yukari said.


	82. Trivial Per Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Apr-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #26 "teammates" prompt.
> 
> I'm assuming they have [Trivial Pursuit](http://www.trivialpursuit.com/) in Japan...

The girls were spending a dreary winter afternoon in Chiyo's room.

Chiyo set a board game on her heated table. "Let's play 'Trivial Pursuit'," she suggested.

Everyone seemed interested. "Should all six of us play against each other?" Kagura asked.

"How about three teams?" Chiyo said. "Yomi and Tomo, Sakaki and Kagura, and Miss Osaka with me."

"Nuh-uh!!" Tomo said. "Two teams!! Me, Kagura an' Osaka— The Knuckleheads— against you, Yomi an' Sakaki!!"

Yomi, Chiyo, Sakaki, and even Kagura sweat-dropped. "Do you want to play a game," Yomi said matter-of-factly, "or do you want to be completely and utterly DESTROYED!?"


	83. Crowded Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #28 "children" prompt.
> 
> From memory, none of the AzuDai girls have ever mentioned brothers or sisters.

The girls were riding together on a crowded passenger train. In fact, the train was so crowded that the girls were crushed together, so tightly that they could barely move.

"Aw, man," Tomo whined. "This sucks!"

"And the funny thing is, Japan is facing a population shortage," Yomi noted. "The falling birth rate is becoming a serious problem. Come to think of it, all of us are 'only children'..."

"Is that right, Chiyo- _chan_?" asked Tomo. "Uh, Chiyo- _chan_?..."

Osaka frowned. "Tomo, it's rude to ask Chiyo- _chan_ a question when she doesn't have enough room to breathe in deeply enough to talk."


	84. I'm Mature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #27 "parents" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Chiyo and Chihiro's scene in the first episode of the anime.

Yukari found Chihiro moping at her desk.

"Are you still upset because Chiyo- _chan_ was helping you with your school-work?" Yukari asked. "Don't worry. Soon you'll be a self-reliant and successful young woman— just like me!"

"Um, Miss Yukari?" asked Chihiro. "Don't you still live at home with your parents?"

Yukari faltered. "Well, yes..."

"And don't your parents own the Yukari-mobile?"

Yukari wilted. "Yeah..."

"And— pardon my saying it— but we've all overheard you when you've asked Miss Kurosawa if you could borrow money from her..."

Yukari sighed sadly. And then, she sat down next to Chihiro, and moped with her.


	85. The Osakalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jun-2006; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #30 "death" prompt.
> 
> Inspired by the post-gothic madness of [Kriegsaffe No. 9](http://kriegsaffe-no-9.livejournal.com/profile) on [Koichan Azumanga](http://www.chiyochan.net/azu/) and [azucorruption](http://azucorruption.livejournal.com/). I'm not well-versed in the [Cthulhu mythos](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu_Mythos), and so I went with some song lyrics instead.
> 
> (Not only did I post this one on 6/6/06, but also, by my count, this is my 666th drabble. Yikes.)
> 
> This contains visions of the End Of All Things. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo walked up to Osaka and greeted her cheerfully. "Good morning, Miss Osaka!"

"It doesn't matter if we all die," Osaka said distantly.

Chiyo blinked. "Excuse me?"

Osaka began to shout, waving her arms in the air at the same time, in a way that was both strangely endearing and deeply disturbing. "One hundred years of BLOOD! Crimson the ribbon tightens around my throat! I open my mouth, and my head bursts open! Over and over, we DIE, one after the other!!"

Tomo and Yomi walked up. "What's going on?" Tomo asked, to her own immediate regret.

Osaka turned away from a whimpering Chiyo and shouted at a terrified Tomo. "The atmosphere rots with time! Standing alone underneath the sky, my head falls back, and I feel the chill of ice on my face! The walls crash down, a monument to the ruined age! And the sky and the impossible explode! Held for one moment, I remember a song, an impression of sound, and then everything is gone FOREVER!!"

Chiyo whispered to Yomi. "What's wrong with Miss Osaka?"

"Either the End Of All Things Is Come To Pass," Yomi said, "or else Osaka's been listening to [early](http://www.musicfanclubs.org/cure/lyrics/100years.html) [Cure](http://www.musicfanclubs.org/cure/lyrics/shorttermeffect.html) [albums](http://www.musicfanclubs.org/cure/lyrics/strangeday.html) [again](http://www.musicfanclubs.org/cure/lyrics/cold.html)."


	86. The Light In Her Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[incontrovertible](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/109192.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains an inside joke. Here's a [screen-capture](http://www.animegalleries.net/img/44822) that illustrates the joke (Osaka is on the left).

Yomi was helping the Knucklehead Club with their physics lessons, against her better judgement.

"OK," Yomi said wearily, "the speed of light is roughly 300,000 kilometers per second—"

"Usually," Tomo said.

"No, that's a constant," Yomi said. "Although, when it passes from one medium to another, it's refracted..."

"Sometimes," Kagura said.

Yomi growled. "ALWAYS. And light exhibits characteristics of both waves and particles—"

"Except when it doesn't," Tomo said.

"There are NO EXCEPTIONS!!" Yomi snapped. "The laws of physics are incontrovertible!!"

Tomo and Kagura pointed at Osaka's eyes.

"Yes, I KNOW," Yomi said impatiently. "I mean, BESIDES the Osaka Effect."


	87. Under The Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #29 "birth" prompt.
> 
> This contains weird humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls were getting ready to leave Chiyo's room after a study-group.

"Where's Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo. "I didn't see her leave."

"Neither did I," said Tomo. "Osaka!? Hey, OSAKA!?"

Chiyo's heated-table cloth parted to reveal Osaka's face. " _haaiiiii_..." Osaka said sleepily.

Yomi sweat-dropped. "You were under the heated table!? It must be at least 30°C under there!"

As Osaka pushed her head through the table-cloth's opening, Tomo gulped. "It's kinda like Chiyo- _chan_ 's table is giving birth to Osaka."

The girls silently watched Osaka slowly and weakly struggle out from under the table.

"Congratulations, Chiyo- _chan_ ," Yomi said. "You're a father."


	88. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jun-2006; horror; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #32 "sunset" prompt.
> 
> This contains vampiric weirdness and "what-if" character death. Reader discretion is advised.

Kagura was jogging late in the evening. She ran past the _kamineko_ 's favorite wall, just as the sun set— and Sakaki suddenly appeared, as if from shadow.

"What are you doing here, Sakaki?" asked Kagura. "Aren't you afraid of getting bitten again?"

Sakaki turned away, and answered distantly. "It's too late, Kagura. The _kamineko_ has 'turned' me."

Kagura blinked. "Wha?..."

"Kagura?" said Sakaki. "I'm... sorry..."

She suddenly turned on Kagura, snarling like an animal. Her eyes burned with demonic light, and her teeth were elongated and needle sharp.

Kagura's last thoughts were of how she would never challenge Sakaki again.


	89. Get Out Of Dodge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #156 "[surrender](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/208474.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

"Gym class was fun," Kagura said to Yomi, as they sat down to lunch. "Our 'dodge ball' game came down to me an' Tomo. She was really 'together' today. We dueled until the period ended."

"Wait a minute," Yomi suddenly said. "You didn't win, and you didn't surrender? And neither did Tomo? You shouldn't have left it at that, Kagura."

"Why not?" Kagura asked— just before a volleyball caught her squarely in the back of her head and knocked her face-down into her lunch.

"Because," Yomi said, "Tomo doesn't know when to quit."

Kagura mumbled something unintelligible into her lunch.


	90. Picking Up The Slacker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #31 "sunrise" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 22 of the anime.
> 
> This contains a gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo and Sakaki were doing their morning exercises together at the top of a steep ocean-side hill.

A sleepy Tomo stumbled up. "Whatcha doin'? And why?"

"Our sunrise workout," Chiyo said. "Miss Kurosawa gives us stamps for exercising regularly."

Tomo rolled her eyes. "So? You can buy stamps at the store."

"Exercise has other benefits," Chiyo said. "Right, Miss Sakaki?"

Instead of answering, Sakaki suddenly picked up Tomo. As Yomi also walked up to the group, Sakaki effortlessly swung Tomo about, much the same as [Tomo had done to Chiyo](http://www.animegalleries.net/img/51712) in Okinawa.

Yomi smirked. "Giving Tomo a little 'pick-me-up', Sakaki?"


	91. We're All Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[discrete](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/111206.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[We're All Light](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:jzdfyx6nxpzb)" by XTC.
> 
> This takes place after "The Light In Her Eyes."
> 
> This contains extreme photophobia. Reader discretion is advised.

"So," Osaka suddenly and randomly said to Tomo, "light is both discrete particles and continuous waves?"

"Yeah, that's right," Tomo said.

"Just think," Osaka said. "Trillions of photons are constantly crashing into our bodies... and at the same time, we're DROWNING in waves of light..."

Tomo gulped.

—

The next day, after school, a concerned Yomi knocked at Tomo's bedroom door. "Tomo? Why didn't you come to school today? Are you sick?"

Then Yomi opened Tomo's door. "Tomo!? Why is it so dark—"

"AIEEE!!" said Tomo. "DON'T LET THE LIGHT IN!!"

Yomi slammed the door shut. "Ohh-kay," she said to herself.


	92. Move It On Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[night of exile](http://31-days.livejournal.com/543593.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Move It On Over](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:whja7p8og72r)" by Hank Williams (as covered by George Thorogood).

The girls were having a slumber party in Chiyo's room. Unfortunately, the night began with an unusually bitter argument between Tomo and Yomi.

"I've HAD it!!" Yomi shouted. "I'm NOT staying in the same house with YOU!!"

"This isn't YOUR house!!" Tomo yelled. "Besides, it's too late to go home!!"

"Then go sleep in the doghouse with 'Mr. Tadakichi'!!"

"NO YOU!!"

"ONE of us is spending the night in that doghouse," Yomi snarled, "and it WON'T BE ME!!"

The animal-loving Sakaki raised her hand. "I'll do it."

Everyone else sweat-dropped. "Um, Sakaki?" said Yomi. "I think you're missing the point."


	93. Caterpillar Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> >For the [**chain_of_fics**](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/) "[All you'll get is a dying caterpillar.](http://chain-of-fics.livejournal.com/41210.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[The Caterpillar](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:lkjm7z7og7dr)" by the Cure.
> 
> Drabble #700, by my count. Written for the "dying caterpillar" prompt on my own. That sentence stuck in my head until I finally came up with an idea for it...

"All you'll get is a dying caterpillar," Chiyo said to Osaka as they walked through a city park. "It wouldn't reach metamorphosis."

Osaka held up a large glass jar. "Maybe I could catch a full-grown butterfly instead," she said.

"Please don't try," Chiyo said. "They're called 'killing jars' for a reason... Miss Osaka? Why do you want a butterfly in a jar?"

"I read about the '[butterfly effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect)'," Osaka said, "and I thought it'd be handy to have some world-altering chaos in a jar. You know— just in case I NEED it."

Chiyo slowly and nervously backed away from Osaka.


	94. Feeling Sluggish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jun-2006; horror?/humor?; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #34 "not enough" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 14 of the anime.
> 
> This contains cruel gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo was lying on the beach in her swimsuit.

A fully-dressed Yomi walked up. "Tomo? About when you threw the keys into the woods?..."

Tomo sighed. "Are you still angry about that? Fine. I'm sorry."

"An apology is not enough," Yomi said coldly. "We have to punish you now."

Suddenly, Sakaki held Tomo's arms from behind, and Kagura pinned Tomo's legs down.

"HEY!!" Tomo struggled in vain. "What in the heck!?"

And then, Osaka walked up— carrying a bucket full of sea-slugs. Tomo whimpered.

"Oh, don't cry, Tomo," a half-crazed Yomi said. "We're only doing this because we LOVE you."


	95. Life Lesson Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Jun-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #33 "too much" prompt.
> 
> Since Kaorin's mother was the only parent we saw on-camera...

An exhausted Kaorin came home from school. "How was school today?" her mother asked.

"Too Much Information," Kaorin said wearily.

"High school classes can be challenging," her mother said, "but you're a smart girl. If you study hard, you can—"

"No," Kaorin said, "I mean, Miss Yukari was talking about her old boyfriends— and Miss Kurosawa's old boyfriends."

"Oh," her mother said. "THAT kind of Too Much Information."

"By the way," Kaorin asked, "did any of your teachers ever spend their breaks on the planet Neptune?"

Kaorin's mother silently resolved to ask some pointed questions at the next parent-teacher conference.


	96. A Head For Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jul-2006; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #35 "sixth sense" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Star Wars_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars).

Two high-school administrators were reviewing the annual budget. As usual, money was tight, and they were cutting costs in any way possible.

"What about the lunch counter?" one administrator asked. "Could we order fewer varieties of sandwiches?"

"Well..." The other administrator reviewed some receipts. "We could stop ordering melon bread. It's not very popular these days." 

The first administrator crossed "melon bread" off his list.

—

Osaka was dozing off in class, as usual. But she suddenly awoke with a start.

Chiyo whispered. "Miss Osaka? Is something wrong?"

Osaka answered slowly and solemnly. "I felt a great disturbance in the Force."


	97. It Came From The Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**drabbleaday**](http://drabbleaday.livejournal.com/) "[ocean](http://drabbleaday.livejournal.com/16926.html)" prompt.

Tomo walked up to Chiyo on the beach. "Going swimming, Chiyo- _chan_?" she asked.

"Yep!" Chiyo said.

"Be careful," Tomo said dramatically. "There are Dark Things in the ocean— unspeakable horrors that crawl up from the bottom of the sea, to drag you down to your DOOM!..."

Chiyo pointed. "Like that?" 

A strange creature had walked up behind Tomo. It was covered in seaweed, sandy mud, and a few live sea-slugs.

Tomo ran away screaming.

"Miss Osaka?" said Chiyo. "If you swim in the public areas, you won't get that icky stuff all over yourself."

"What icky stuff?" Osaka asked innocently.


	98. Where's In A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**wordoftheday100**](http://wordoftheday100.livejournal.com/) "[sobriquet](http://community.livejournal.com/wordoftheday100/113378.html)" prompt.
> 
> Inspired by silly fan-boy theories from [Koichan Azumanga](http://www.chiyochan.net/azu/), where Sakaki is a half-Russian whose first name is "Olga."

Kasuga Ayumu's new friends walked up to her desk after school. "Ready to go home, Osaka?" asked Tomo.

"You know," an unusually "together" Osaka said, "I never agreed to that nick-name. How would you like it if everyone called you by the place you're from?"

Tomo shrugged. "It doesn't matter. The rest of us are from Tokyo. We couldn't all have the same nick-name."

"I'm not from Tokyo," Sakaki said.

"Really?" Yomi asked. "Where are you from, Sakaki?"

"[Vladivostok](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladivostok)," Sakaki said distantly.

The other girls sweat-dropped.

"Actually," Chiyo finally said, "that sobriquet might suit you, Miss Sakaki. Er, Miss Vladivostok."


	99. A Marked Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the censorship of my skin](http://31-days.livejournal.com/563853.html)" prompt.

"Ready for today's exam?" Yomi asked Tomo. "As IF."

"Yep!" Tomo held up her arm. She had written a 'cheat sheet' on herself in tiny print.

"GAH!!" Yomi said. "Wash that off!!"

"Can't," Tomo said. "It's in ink."

"Then cover it up!!" Yomi uncapped a marker, grabbed Tomo's arm, and 'colored in' her skin.

And then, Yukari walked up. "AHEM!! Miss Mizuhara! Play 'marker tag' on your own time, please!"

After Yukari walked away, Tomo smirked. "Yoh-mi got in truh-ble— EEP!!"

Yomi held her open marker under Tomo's chin like a knife. "When you undress for P.E.? You're MINE, Takino."


	100. Hang On To Your Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #37 "sound" prompt.

Yukari and Nyamo looked at Chiyo and Osaka with concern. The two school-girls sat rigidly at their desks, occasionally trembling, and clinging to the seats of their chairs with a death grip.

"You gave Chiyo- _chan_ and Osaka a ride to school in the Yukari-mobile, right?" Nyamo asked rhetorically.

"I don't understand," Yukari said. "I brought them here 'safe and sound'."

Nyamo walked up to Chiyo, and lifted her by her shoulders. The recently-traumatized Chiyo was holding her seat so tightly that Nyamo picked up both Chiyo and her chair.

"'Safe' would seem unlikely," Nyamo noted, "and 'sound' is right out."


	101. The Smell Of Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jul-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #36 "smell" prompt.

Kagura was sweating bullets. She was facing the greatest challenge of her young life.

She glanced at Chiyo- _chan_ , who was as cheerful as ever. _How can Chiyo-chan be so calm!?_ , Kagura thought.

_I have to be strong for Chiyo-chan,_ Kagura thought. _I can't let her smell my desperation..._

_I can't... I can't... I CAN'T!..._

Kagura suddenly wailed. "WAAAH!! I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ALGEBRA!!"

As Kagura collapsed and wept, Chiyo smiled weakly and patted Kagura's head. _First, Chihiro,_ thought Chiyo, _and now, Kagura. I'm going to have to stop helping my friends with their homework before our study-groups bring ME to tears._


	102. Dope Slap Trope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #38 "touch" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 19 of the anime.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari and Nyamo were chatting at the open door of Yukari's classroom after class had been dismissed. They both watched an excitable Tomo argue with an annoyed Yomi in the hallway.

"Did you know that Tomo was taking 'yawning lessons' from Osaka?" Nyamo said. "And when I happened to yawn during class, she actually complimented me on my technique! I think that girl might be 'touched in the head'."

Just then, Yomi suddenly reached out and gave Tomo a dope slap hard enough to make Tomo stumble forward.

Yukari and Nyamo involuntarily winced. "Tomo's more than just 'touched'," Yukari said.


	103. Hippie Shaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #39 "taste" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 15 of the anime.

Tomo struck a pose for Yomi and Chiyo. She was wearing bell-bottom jeans, a frilly loose-sleeved top, and round mirrored sunglasses.

"It suits you, Tomo," said Chiyo. "And it reminds me of what Mrs. Kimura said at the sports festival."

"Huh?" said Tomo.

"That's right," Yomi said. "She said that Mr. Kimura was 'cycling around' again, like how 70s clothing is making a comeback."

Tomo panicked. "You mean, my taste in clothing makes Kimura fashionable!?"

Yomi sweat-dropped. "Of COURSE not!—" she said too late. 

"EEEEEEEE!!" Tomo ran away screaming and tearing off her clothes.

"Heavy," Yomi noted.

"Uncool," Chiyo agreed.


	104. Scoping Her Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #40 "sight" prompt.
> 
> Since Kaorin's mother was the only parent we saw on-camera...
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaorin's mother found her daughter in her room, standing behind a large and heavy telescope on a tripod. "Did you borrow that from your Astronomy Club at school?" her mother asked.

Kaorin was unexpectedly embarrassed. "Er, yes..."

"You won't be able to see much in the city, will you?" Her mother examined the telescope, and then took a look through it. "And you've got it set at such a low angle... Say, isn't that the house where your friend Sakaki lives?... Good heavens! I can see Sakaki from here through her bedroom window!"

Kaorin whimpered. _Busted,_ she thought to herself.


	105. Stupid Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Jul-2006; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**drabbleaday**](http://drabbleaday.livejournal.com/) "[resident asshat](http://drabbleaday.livejournal.com/29491.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Stupid Girl](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stupid_Girl)" by Garbage.
> 
> Best Challenge Evar.
> 
> This contains a laundry list of inside jokes. Reader discretion is advised.

"Hey, Yomi!" said Tomo. "Loan me some money for lunch, wouldja?"

Yomi's glasses frosted over. "You forgot your lunch money AGAIN?"

Tomo giggled and struck a pose. "Yeah, but so what? Hurry up and give me some money, 'cause I'm CUTE!... Yomi? Uh, Yomi? Hello? Earth to Yomi?"

Yomi hung her head, throwing her face into shadow. Visibly trembling with anger, she slowly answered Tomo's request in a steadily rising voice.

"You... you... you wild-cat water-bucket holding, race losing, Osaka naming, cockroach chasing, Osaka PUNCHING, moldy-bread story-telling, chest-size categorizing, summer-house plan-making, juice begging, Chiyo fumbling, five-yen coin dropping, cat-costume wearing, magic-wand giving, Hanshin cheering, VCR forgetting, jump-rope crashing, homework copying, Knucklehead Club leading, test failing, ability stealing, house-key tossing, Kimura's family's picture finding, four-girl cavalry collapsing, Mrs. Kimura investigating, marathon losing, reindeer disbelieving, vending-machine distrusting, Yukari- _sensei_ whacking, yawn studying, 'LUPIN!!' mangling, 'Chinsuko!!' yelling, swimsuit under your clothes wearing, Kaorin's camera hogging, Kagura teasing, boys' uniform wearing, Maya teasing, BAD LUCK, **YOMI** ANNOYING **IDIOT**!!"

The other girls had watched Yomi rant in awed silence. As Yomi gasped for breath, they applauded her enthusiastically.

"That was a lengthy yet highly articulate outburst," Chiyo said.

Yomi sighed. "I've had a lot of practice."


	106. Head In The Clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #41 "shapes" prompt.

Sakaki sat at her window desk, chin in hand, and gazed out at the sky.

Tomo walked up. "Whatcha doin', Sakaki? Looking for shapes in the clouds?"

She sat at the empty desk in front of Sakaki, and carefully copied Sakaki's pose. "Well, that cloud looks like a cotton ball... and that one kinda looks like a snow bank... gosh, this is boring."

Tomo yawned loudly, and then, yawned even more loudly. "Ho-hum... That wasn't a very good yawn. Osaka taught me to yawn better than that. Let's see... Ho-HUMMM..."

Sakaki silently resolved to spend less time alone with Tomo.


	107. Hip To Be Square

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #43 "square" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Hip To Be Square](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hip_to_Be_Square)" by Huey Lewis & The News.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Hey, Yomi!" said Tomo. "You know what your problem is!?"

Yomi sighed. "No... but you're about to tell me."

"You're so square!" Tomo said. "I mean, what's with the glasses, and the stockings? No one else I know is so old-fashioned."

Yomi blushed, despite herself. "There's nothing wrong with the way I look! Anyway, some guys like the 'girl next door' look."

As if on cue, Kimura walked up. He glanced at Yomi as he passed... and looked her over just a moment too long for comfort.

Yomi shuddered with disgust. "OK, I need contact lenses and some short socks."


	108. Wrong Of Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #42 "triangle" prompt.

Osaka found Chiyo studying a book written in English. "Is that the American 'rules of the road', Chiyo- _chan_?"

"Yes," Chiyo said. "I'm learning more about the United States, since I'm going to college there.

"It's really confusing. A red triangle means 'stop' in Japan, but it means 'yield' in the US. And you drive on the left side of the road in Japan, but on the right side in the US."

"Maybe that's why Miss Yukari is such a bad driver," Osaka said. "She's just driving in the wrong country."

Chiyo held her poor head and whimpered. "Brain all hurty."


	109. Sticks And Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "you would think that she is walking upon eggs and green bottles" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 15 of the anime.

Osaka gingerly limped up to Chiyo after the sports-fest marathon.

"Did you get a blister from running, Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo.

"No," Osaka said, "but I've got a few pebbles in my shoe." She sat down, pulled off her shoe, and shook out a pile of gravel large enough to fill a pothole.

Chiyo sweat-dropped.

Osaka frowned. "I think there's a leaf under my shirt collar too." She reached into her T-shirt, and pulled out a thick tree-branch almost as long as Chiyo.

"If you were carrying that much extra weight," Chiyo said, "it's no wonder you ran so slowly."


	110. Lap-Dogged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #44 "circle" prompt.

Nyamo led her class out to the school track. "Alright, girls," she said, "Let's just run a few laps—"

Osaka raised her hand. "Why?"

Nyamo blinked. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

"Why do we have to run 'round in circles, only to end up where we started?" Osaka asked earnestly. "It all seems so pointless an' futile."

Nyamo pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Just do it 'cause I said so, okay?"

Osaka's eyes went all sad and shiny. "But— WHY!?" she cried piteously.

Nyamo held her face in her hands and whimpered. "Must— resist— Osaka Mind Tricks!..."


	111. Moonchild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #45 "moon" prompt.
> 
> Partly Based On A True Story.
> 
> See also "[Moonchild](http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:8uamqo5lojka)" by Shakespear's Sister.

A troubled Chiyo had gone to Yukari for advice.

"I was reading an English-language Internet message board, last night," Chiyo said, "and someone was asking for a translation of a Japanese _yonkoma_. But the way he phrased the question worried me. He said that he didn't speak 'moon-language', instead of 'Japanese'. Miss Yukari, is that offensive speech?"

Yukari glanced away from Chiyo for a moment, and saw Osaka standing at a window, blankly staring at nothing.

"I think," Yukari said carefully, "that it depends on if, when you use a 'moon' expression, you have a particular Japanese person in mind."


	112. The Anatomy Of Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #47 "heart" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after the end of the last episode (#26).

"Miss Yomi?" said Chiyo. I'm glad that you're going to 'Magical Land' with us, this time. We missed you, the last time."

Yomi was touched. "That's a lovely thing to say, Chiyo- _chan_."

"It's true," Chiyo said. "We miss you when you're not here. It's like you're the heart of the group—"

Osaka suddenly spoke up. "Oh! Can I be the pancreas of the group?"

Chiyo blinked. "Um, okay... if that's what you want..."

Osaka turned to Yomi. "I'm the pancreas!" Osaka said proudly.

Yomi smiled and silently contemplated various unpleasant bits of human anatomy that could be assigned to Tomo.


	113. Club Exclusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #49 "club" prompt.
> 
> Just an excuse for Tomo (and Yomi) to quote [Groucho](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Groucho_Marx).

Tomo and Chiyo walked up to Yomi's desk at the end of the school day. "Time to go home!" Tomo said happily.

"Tomo-chan?" asked Chiyo. "Did you ever think about joining a club, just to have something to do after school?"

"I was invited to join a few clubs," Tomo said, "but I decided against it."

"Why?" Chiyo asked innocently.

Tomo answered without a trace of irony. "I didn't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member."

"I've a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it," Yomi said.


	114. Dispayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #50 "spayed" prompt.

While walking to school, the girls saw the evil gray cat. It ran away before Sakaki could reach out to pet it.

"I wonder if that cat is a stray," Yomi said. "I hope it's spayed."

"A cat can't be spayed," Osaka declared. She held up a small shovel. "That's what this is."

Tomo smirked. "That's not what we meant, Osaka—"

"Then why would you say it!?" Osaka shouted angrily. "THIS is a spade!! You should ALWAYS call it that!!"

"Miss Osaka certainly takes things seriously," Chiyo whispered.

"True," Yomi said nervously, " but where did that spade come from!?"


	115. Fish Is Brain Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #46 "star" prompt.

Osaka walked up to Tomo and Kagura, carrying a bucket full of sea-water. "Look at what I just found on the beach!" Osaka said proudly.

"Not sea-slugs again!" Tomo said.

"No," Osaka said, "it's a live starfish!"

Kagura took a closer look. "Oh, wow! It's beautiful!"

"We should make this starfish the official mascot of the Knucklehead Club!" Tomo declared.

"We were just studyin' starfish in biology class," Osaka said. "The teacher said that starfish have no brains."

The three Knuckleheads silently stared at the starfish.

"It's a shame Yomi isn't here," Kagura finally said. "She missed the perfect setup."


	116. I Don't Know Third Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Aug-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #48 "diamond" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Nyamo's P.E. class was playing a softball game.

After being thrown out, Tomo walked back to the sidelines, and sat down next to a furious Yomi.

"Do you NOT know the DIFFERENCE between FIRST base and THIRD base!?" Yomi asked. "Are you ACTUALLY that STUPID!?"

Tomo shrugged. "It's your fault for not telling me, Yomi. After all, the bases aren't even labeled— YEEEK!!"

—

"TIME!!" Nyamo shouted.

Kagura walked up. "What's wrong, Coach?"

Nyamo pointed at Tomo, who was being chased across the baseball diamond by a bat-wielding Yomi.

"Too bad Tomo and Yomi aren't doing track and field," Kagura said.


	117. Untested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Sep-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[remember this day](http://31-days.livejournal.com/648089.html)" prompt.

"You're cheerful for the day of a test," Yomi said to Tomo.

"I studied for this test," Tomo said confidently. "I'm ready for it!"

Yomi turned to Kagura. "Are you ready, Kagura?"

Kagura gave Yomi a thumbs-up. "I'm psyched! I'm ready!"

"How about you, Osaka?" asked Yomi.

"Chiyo- _chan_ helped me study," Osaka said proudly, "and my chopsticks pulled apart evenly."

"Amazing!" Yomi said to herself. "For once, everybody remembered a test!—"

As if on cue, Yukari walked into the classroom— empty-handed. She noticed her students' expectant looks, and scowled. "What!?" she snapped.

The entire class sighed sadly in perfect unison.


	118. The Water's Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Sep-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #51 "water" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after the related scene in episode 7 of the anime ("Culture Fest").
> 
> This contains Kimura weirdness. Reader discretion is advised.

Just as the girls left the school swimming pool after P.E. class, Kimura walked up, kneeled at the side of the pool, opened a water bottle, and held it in the pool to fill it.

Kimura poured some of the pool water into the cup-shaped lid of the bottle, held the cup with one finger raised, and took a sip as if he were drinking a fine cup of tea.

The kind-hearted Chiyo worried for her teacher. "Won't drinking pool water make you sick?"

"I don't know, Chiyo- _chan_ ," said Yomi, "but apparently, being 'sick' will make you drink pool water."


	119. She Bangs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Sep-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #52 "fire" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 23 of the anime ("Last Sports Fest In High School").
> 
> This contains more creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo walked up to Nyamo after the costume race, still wearing her police costume, and still in character. "Do you have a permit to fire that gun, Ma'am?" she asked.

Nyamo giggled. "But it's only a starting gun, Officer!" she said.

"I'm afraid that I'm going to have to arrest you," Tomo said. She put her handcuffs on Nyamo.

Nyamo held up her wrists for a closer look. "Say... did you borrow these handcuffs from Yukari?"

"Yes," Tomo said, "but how would you know? Have you worn Yukari's handcuffs before?"

Nyamo blushed heavily and stammered. "Yes— well— never mind that!!"


	120. Ducking Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Sep-2006; crossover/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[bioremediation](http://31-days.livejournal.com/648089.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 21 of the anime.

" _Sata andagi_!!" said Osaka, holding out her tasty treat. A large crumb broke off and fell to the ground.

"You dropped some," Tomo said helpfully.

Just then, a [duck](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFLAC#Aflac_Duck) walked up and quickly gobbled up Osaka's crumb.

"Is it okay for a duck to eat that?" Chiyo asked.

"Don't worry, Chiyo- _chan_ ," said Yomi. "That duck probably lives in a city park, and it's learned how to scavenge. You're not supposed to feed bread to ducks, but one crumb shouldn't hurt—"

" _Sata andagi_!!" said the duck.

Everybody sweat-dropped. "On the other hand..." Yomi said nervously.

" _Sata andagi_!!" the duck said again.


	121. Cheer Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Sep-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #55 "spirit" prompt.
> 
> See also "Cheer Down" by George Harrison.
> 
> This was inspired by the similar scene in episode 3 of the anime.

Yukari was watching a high-school girls' basketball game. She was surprised at the gloom of the students in the bleachers, the players on the court, and even the cheerleaders.

Nyamo was coaching the home team. "Hey, Nyamo!" said Yukari. "Who died?"

Nyamo sighed sadly. "Didn't you know? We held a contest to rename the team, and one of your students won."

Yukari gasped. "You don't mean—"

As if on cue, the cheerleaders half-heartedly mumbled the new team name. "Go Team Sea Slugs. Rah rah rah."

Only one girl in the otherwise quiet bleachers showed any school spirit. "YAY!!" said Osaka.


	122. Jumping The Shark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Sep-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #54 "air" prompt.

An embarrassed Sakaki walked up to Yukari and Nyamo. Her hand was stuck in Yukari's inflatable shark pool-toy, as if it had bitten her.

Yukari frowned. "What did you do, Sakaki?" She pulled at the shark, but it didn't budge.

"Wait, this'll do it." Nyamo felt for the air valve, found it and opened it.

Yukari, Nyamo and Sakaki stood motionless and watched the pool-toy slowly deflate with a disturbingly flatulent sound. It finally fell away from Sakaki's hand and collapsed in a sad heap on the floor.

"That reminded me of Yukari after a night of drinking," Nyamo said.


	123. Rest Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Oct-2006; horror/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[swing low, sweet chariot](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Swing Low, Sweet Chariot](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swing_Low,_Sweet_Chariot)" by Wallace Willis.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 22 of the anime.
> 
> This contains Yukari's (not) driving. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaorin awoke to find herself in the back seat of the Yukarimobile, snuggled up against a sleeping Sakaki. She realized that the car wasn't wildly swerving, as usual. In fact, it felt like the car was only coasting, and gently drifting from side to side.

 _Maybe Miss Yukari isn't such a bad driver after all,_ Kaorin thought.

But then, Kaorin realized that Yukari had also fallen asleep... at the wheel.

Kaorin silently prayed that this was a "dream within a dream," and that she would wake up again soon— or, if it wasn't, that she would die quickly and painlessly.


	124. Girl Fight Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Oct-2006; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #171 "[inside](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/222880.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Girl Fight Tonight!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_Fight_Tonight!)" by Julie Brown.
> 
> Just an excuse for Tomo to quote [Roland T. Flakfizer](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103872/quotes).
> 
> This contains mild creepy humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi and Tomo were walking home from school together. As usual, Tomo was causing trouble, and Yomi was seriously annoyed.

"Awright!!" Tomo suddenly shouted comically. "Let's step outside and settle this like men!"

"We ARE outside," Yomi noted, "and we're NOT MEN!!"

"OK," Tomo said brightly, "let's step inside and settle this like women."

Yomi held her poor head. "I don't even know what that means," she whimpered.

Kimura suddenly appeared, as he often did. "I have a suggestion," Kimura said earnestly. "Go change into your swimsuits, and—"

Yomi and Tomo postponed their fight long enough to run away screaming.


	125. Tooth And Claw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[worse than his bite](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

While walking to school, Kagura found Sakaki writhing in pain, with the evil gray cat biting her hand. Sakaki waved her arms in the air, in a desperate attempt to shake the cat off, to no avail.

"Hang on!" Kagura shouted. She reached for the cat— but recoiled just in time to avoid being clawed.

And then, Sakaki happened to wave the cat over a bush. The cat sheared off the top of the bush with its claws, like an electric trimmer.

Kagura was conflicted. She was concerned for Sakaki— but at the same time, that shearing was kinda cool.


	126. Girls Just Want To Have Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #57 "lunch" prompt.
> 
> This contains vaguely creepy humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The lunch period bell rang before Yukari had finished her lesson. Her students began to leave. "Sit down!" Yukari shouted. "I haven't dismissed you yet!"

The girls sat back down with petulant sighs (and growling stomachs). Yukari found her place in her lesson plan, looked back up at her class, and sweat-dropped.

An eerie silence had fallen over the classroom. Three dozen hungry teenagers stared at Yukari, as if they were hungry enough to eat... ANYTHING.

Yukari suddenly imagined herself tied to a horizontal pole, and slowly turning over an open fire like a rotisserie chicken.

"Class dismissed," Yukari whimpered.


	127. Nuisance Caller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #58 "dinner" prompt.

An annoyed Kagura answered her cellular phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kagura!" said Tomo over the phone. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Actually," Kagura said, "I was eating dinner with my parents. Do you have something that you need to tell me?"

"Nope!" Tomo said.

Kagura sighed. "Then why did you call me?"

"I called Yomi first," Tomo said, "and I guess I interrupted her dinner too. But she barely let me talk for even a minute, and then she went and hung up on me! I mean, can you believe how RUDE some people can be?... Kagura? Hello? Kagura? Are you still there? Hello?..."


	128. The Happiest Days Of Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[things I will regret](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from the last episode of the anime.
> 
> See also "The Happiest Days Of Our Lives" by Pink Floyd.

Tomo found Yomi deep in thought. "Whassup?" Tomo asked.

"I was just thinking," Yomi said sadly, "about all the things I could have done in high school if I hadn't wasted my precious time and energy dealing with YOU."

Tomo blinked. "Huh?"

An emotional Yomi suddenly grabbed Tomo's shoulders, shook Tomo until her eyes crossed, and shouted tearfully. "GIVE ME BACK THE BEST YEARS OF MY YOUTH!!"

Yukari walked up. "Oh," Yomi said, "I'm sorry. I just—"

An emotional Yukari grabbed Tomo's shoulders, shook Tomo violently again, and shouted tearfully. "GIVE ME BACK THE LAST THREE YEARS OF MY CAREER!!"


	129. Chess Piece Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[all the king's horses](http://31-days.livejournal.com/692306.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Chess Piece Face](http://tmbw.net/wiki/Chess_Piece_Face)" by They Might Be Giants.

Tomo found Yomi and Chiyo intently studying a chessboard.

"Whatcha doin'?" Tomo asked.

Yomi and Chiyo slowly turned to Tomo with pained expressions on their faces.

Tomo ignored their reactions. "Hey!" she cried. "Where are the horsies?"

"Knights, Tomo," said Yomi. "They've been captured."

Tomo grabbed one of the knights and rubbed it. "Guess what I'm doing?... I'm 'feeling a little hoarse'! Get it!? Get it!?... Aw, c'mon! That was funny!!"

Yomi sighed, and began to put away the chess pieces still in play.

"Miss Yomi?" asked Chiyo. "What's wrong?"

"I'm calling the game," Yomi said, "on account of stupidity."


	130. Drinking In Moderation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #60 "drink" and the [**writers_choice**](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/) #173 "[vice](http://writers-choice.livejournal.com/224599.html)" prompts.
> 
> This contains drinking humor (duh). Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari walked up to Nyamo's desk in the teachers' lounge. "Hey, Nyamo!" she shouted. "Let's go drinkin' after work!"

"Keep your voice down!!" Nyamo hissed. "What kind of example are you setting for the children!?"

Yukari gestured to herself with absolutely no humility. "I completed my education, got a good job, and became a productive member of society! Productive members of society can get trashed if they wanna!!"

"Oh, good grief," Nyamo said.

"Does that mean you're not goin'?" Yukari asked. "You'll miss the 'Ladies' Night' drink specials and free food."

"I didn't say that, now, did I?" Nyamo said.


	131. Food For Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 26-Oct-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #59 "food" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from the second episode of the anime.

Osaka walked up to Chiyo. "Hey, Chiyo- _chan_! I bring you grains of truth!"

Chiyo blinked. "What do you mean, Miss Osaka?"

Osaka answered with another question. "Did you know rice is the most popular grain in the world?"

"Oh!" Chiyo said. "That's not a grain of truth! That's the truth about grains!"

Osaka hung her head and sighed sadly.

"What's wrong, Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo. "Isn't that the answer you wanted?"

"Yeah," Osaka said, "but it took me so long to find someone to give me the right answer that it's actually kind of a let-down."

"Oh," Chiyo said. "Sorry."


	132. Concrete Abstract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Nov-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[untrodden ways](http://31-days.livejournal.com/801187.html)" prompt.

Chiyo and Osaka were walking to school together in the road. They walked around a corner, and found a fresh set of tracks in the sidewalk that led to Tomo— who was stuck up to her ankles in wet cement.

"Tomo-chan!" Chiyo said. "Didn't you realize that you were walking in wet cement?"

"Is it cement," Osaka asked, "or is it concrete?"

"Cement is an ingredient in concrete," Chiyo said, "along with water and gravel."

"Then shouldn't it be wet concrete?" Osaka asked.

Tomo interrupted them. "When ya figure out what it IS, could ya help me OUT of it!?"


	133. Frosted Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Nov-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #61 "winter" prompt.
> 
> Ever notice how Yomi's glasses do that?

A scowling Yomi walked up to Chiyo and Kagura. Her eyeglasses were frosted over and completely opaque.

"Goodness," Chiyo said. "I know it's winter, but is it cold enough in here to do that to your glasses?"

Yomi sighed, took off her glasses and wiped them clear, and put them back on. "Not exactly—"

As if on cue, Tomo walked up, and threw one arm over Yomi's shoulder. "Hey, Four-Eyes! Where ya been!?"

Yomi's glasses immediately frosted over again. "Trying to avoid YOU, you idiot!" she snarled.

Kagura shuddered. "The MOOD in here certainly has become bitterly cold," she noted.


	134. Infraheads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 9-Nov-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #62 "spring" prompt.

Osaka found Chiyo in her room, taking down and putting away her heated table. "Aww..." Osaka said sadly.

"I'm sorry, Miss Osaka," said Chiyo, "but it's spring, and it's too warm for... what are you doing?"

Osaka turned on the heater mounted in the open table frame. Her eyes lit up as the heater warmed up. "The infrared heating element is so pretty," she said reverently.

Chiyo stood beside her. "It is, isn't it?... And it's... kinda... hypnotic..."

The two girls silently stared at the heater. They suddenly spoke in perfect unison, as if they were answering someone. "Yes, Master..."


	135. Backpetalling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Nov-2006; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #64 "fall" prompt.

Osaka and Yomi were walking along a path lined with _sakura_. The tree branches were thick with beautiful blossoms.

"Say, Yomi?" said Osaka. "Didja ever think about how leaves fall to the ground in the season called 'fall'?"

"Huh," said Yomi. "That's right."

"But," Osaka said, "cherry blossoms fall to the ground in the season called 'spring'."

"So?" Yomi asked.

"Either this season isn't named right," Osaka said, "or else these cherry blossoms should be 'springing'."

Osaka picked up a cherry blossom, and threw it at the ground, expecting it to bounce like a ball.

"My brain hurts," Yomi said.


	136. The Girls Of Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Nov-2006; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #63 "summer" prompt.
> 
> This takes place several weeks after the end of the anime.
> 
> This contains mushiness. Reader discretion is advised.

Nyamo and Yukari pulled up to Chiyo's summer home in Nyamo's car. "Well, here we are again," Nyamo said.

"Sure feels weird," Yukari said, "coming by ourselves."

"But it's wonderful that Chiyo- _chan_ invited us for summer break again," Nyamo said. "and all of the girls should be here too. I wonder what it'll be like, seeing everybody again, for the first time since graduation."

The teachers let themselves in, and found the girls in a clingy group hug. Chiyo and Kagura were bawling, and everybody else was crying too.

Nyamo blinked back tears. "That's what I expected," she said shakily.


	137. Pillow Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[...still can't remember the last time you slept](http://31-days.livejournal.com/907062.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 3 of the anime.
> 
> This contains an inside joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Nyamo caught Yukari yawning in the teachers' lounge. "Still can't sleep?" Nyamo asked kindly.

"Nope," Yukari said. "Haven't slept well in at least a week."

"You slept pretty well at my place," Nyamo noted.

"Huh?" said Yukari.

"At my place!" Nyamo said again. "The afternoon of the last time we went drinking! I know you have a terrible memory, but you MUST remember something THAT recent!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Yukari said.

Nyamo sighed. _When she slept wrong on my special pillow from Denmark,_ Nyamo thought, _Yukari must have cut off the blood to her brain._


	138. Hair Of The Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[stroke his fur, it feels really nice](http://31-days.livejournal.com/907062.html)" prompt.
> 
> Inspired by the similar scene in episode 9 of the anime.

Chiyo found Sakaki off by herself, in a corner of Chiyo's room, with Mr. Tadakichi.

"Goodness," Chiyo said. "You've been petting Mr. Tadakichi for so long that his fur is coming loose on your hand."

Sakaki held up her hand. "Oh. You're right."

"Miss Sakaki?" Chiyo asked nervously. "Are you taking apart Mr. Tadakichi, so that you can steal him, bit by bit?"

Sakaki blinked.

"You ARE, aren't you?" Chiyo asked.

Sakaki sweat-dropped.

Chiyo suddenly jumped at Sakaki's hand. "Give back his fur! Give it back! Give it BACK!!..."

Sakaki silently freaked. She hadn't meant to take apart Mr. Tadakichi.


	139. Hot Pick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-Jan-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I thought I'd tell you now](http://31-days.livejournal.com/907062.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from one of the episodes at Chiyo's summer home.

Nyamo and Yukari had brought some take-out back to Chiyo's summer home. The girls rummaged through the take-out bags at the dining room table.

Tomo grabbed a take-out box, opened it, and wolfed down some curry from it.

"Tomo-chan?" said Chiyo. "That's Miss Yomi's order."

"Who cares?" Tomo said.

"I think I should remind you," Chiyo said, "that Miss Yomi likes hot-n-spicy food."

The hot-n-spicy suddenly hit Tomo, and she ran away screaming.

Yomi took a bite from her open box, and frowned. "Mmm.. This needs more chili sauce."

The other girls stared at her, mouths agape.

"WHAT!?" said Yomi.


	140. I Think I'll Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #65 "passing" prompt.

"Hey, Yomi!" said Tomo. "Do ya think we're all passing Yukari's class?"

"I suppose," Yomi said dramatically. "For example, Chiyo is passing this class like supersonic aircraft, and both Sakaki and I are passing it like racecars."

"And me?" Tomo asked excitedly.

"You're passing too," Yomi said smugly, "but like the sole survivor of a train wreck, crawling through a desert wasteland on her hands and knees."

"Wow," Tomo said. "I didn't know I was putting up such a valiant struggle. I'm practically a hero!"

Yomi silently resolved to stop using similes and metaphors around Tomo, once and for all.


	141. An Apple A Day Keeps Yukari Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 5-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the golden apple](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains gross-out humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo- _chan_ walked walked up to Yukari's podium, and held up an apple. "For you, Miss Yukari," she said.

"Why, thank you, Chiyo- _chan_!" said Yukari. "It's a Golden Delicious, isn't it? I think I'll eat it now!"

"It was organically grown," Chiyo said, "so you should look out for—"

* _CRUNCH_ *!! Yukari bit into the apple— and froze.

After a long silent awkward moment, Yukari turned to the blackboard, still holding the apple in her mouth with one hand. She wrote a message with her free hand:

I JUST BIT INTO A WORM. I WILL PASS OUT NOW.

"Understood," Chiyo said solemnly.


	142. Cold Affront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #67 "snow" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place shortly after episode 18 of the anime ("Koyomi's Ordeals").
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi was walking home from school, in the snow, when she suddenly took a snowball to the face.

Tomo popped up from behind a nearby bush. "Gotcha!!" she shouted. "HA HA!!—"

"* _ATCHOO_ *!!" said Yomi.

Tomo sweat-dropped.

—

The other girls were also walking home from school together.

"Where's Tomo-chan?" asked Chiyo.

"Starting a snowball fight with Yomi," said Kagura.

Tomo suddenly ran past them, screaming in terror. "EEEEEEEE!!"

A sniffling Yomi was close behind. "Come back here and let me sneeze on you!!" Yomi yelled. "Or just let me breathe in your face!!"

"It looks more like germ warfare," Chiyo noted.


	143. Raining Cats And Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2007; angst; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #66 "rain" prompt.

Sakaki and Chiyo were walking to school together, in a heavy rain, with Sakaki holding a large umbrella over both of them.

Chiyo suddenly pulled Sakaki to a stop. "Oh, look!" she said sadly, pointing at the front step of a house facing the street.

A cat and a small dog were huddled together on the step, cowering in the rain and soaked to the bone, apparently with nowhere else to go.

"They must have been locked out," Chiyo said, "or maybe they're stray animals... Miss Sakaki? What's wrong?"

Sakaki brushed tears from her eyes. "It's... only rain," she lied.


	144. They Like The Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[fool's reward](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place shortly after episode 15 of the anime ("Sports Fest, Second Year").

Osaka walked up to Yukari. "You never bought us juice," Osaka said plaintively.

Yukari instinctively took a step back. "Uhm, well..."

But Kagura was behind her. "We want our juice," she said distantly.

Yukari sweat-dropped. "..." she said.

And then, Tomo walked up. "JUICE," she said.

The Knuckleheads surrounded Yukari. "Juice!" they chanted. "Juice! Juice! Juice!..."

"EEEEE!!" said Yukari.

—

Yukari ran into the teachers' lounge, and hid under her desk, next to Nyamo. "They're AFTER ME!!" a terrified Yukari gasped.

Nyamo didn't bother to look up from her work. "That's what happens when you don't keep your promises," she noted.


	145. Astronauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Feb-2007; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[dreamtime](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place one or two years after the girls' New Year dreams in episode 8 of the anime.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor (straight out of the news). Reader discretion is advised.

"Kaorin!" her mother said. "It's New Year's Day! Time to get up!"

Kaorin slowly woke up. "Oh... Good morning..." she said distantly.

"What," her mother said, "no begging for a 'continuation', this year?"

"No," Kaorin said, "actually, I'm glad you woke me up from THIS dream."

"Oh?" her mother said.

"I dreamed I was [an astronaut](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak)," Kaorin said nervously. "I confronted another woman with pepper spray, a knife AND a gun. And I was wearing a trench coat, a wig... and... a DIAPER?..."

_I'm taking Kaorin out of the Astronomy Club,_ her mother thought, _and I'm putting her into therapy._


	146. Snuffed Candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[candles for the dead](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.

"Yomi?" asked Osaka. "You know how, when people in the United States celebrate a birthday, they have a cake with candles?"

"Yes?" said Yomi.

"And they add a candle for each year after you're born?" Osaka asked earnestly.

"Yes, that's right."

"Does that mean that they take away a candle for each year after you've died?"

Yomi sighed, and answered the question with another question. "Why would you celebrate a 'deathday' with a cake?"

Osaka replied with yet another question. "Why WOULDN'T you celebrate a 'deathday' with a cake? Cakes are good enough for BIRTHDAYS."

"My brain hurts," Yomi said.


	147. Swimming Beleaguered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #68 "lightening" prompt.
> 
> This contains a gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

Kagura ran to catch up with the other girls as they walked home from school.

"Oh," Yomi said. "It's too cold for swimming practice now, right?"

"Yeah," Kagura said. "Practice ended a few weeks ago. It's almost winter."

"Your tan is fading already," Chiyo noted.

Kagura rubbed her neck. "Yeah, but more importantly, I need to concentrate on other exercises since I quit swimming regularly. I've put on a little weight."

"Oh!" Osaka said. "Does that mean, you're becoming lighter and heavier at the same time?"

The other girls groaned.

"What's wrong?" Osaka asked innocently. "It isn't that cold yet."


	148. A Pillow Of Winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Feb-2007; angst/general; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #70 "storm" prompt.
> 
> See also "A Pillow Of Winds" by Pink Floyd.

Nyamo awoke in the middle of the night to the howling wind and driving rain of a powerful tropical storm. She got up, stumbled to the sliding glass doors of her apartment balcony, and stared out at the darkness.

After a time, Nyamo went back to bed. She curled up, lying on her side, facing the wall, and tried to shut out the storm. She wasn't exactly frightened by the storm, but she still found herself quietly whimpering.

_When you live alone and sleep alone,_ Nyamo thought, _and you're trying to sleep through a storm, an expensive pillow doesn't help._


	149. Thunder Stealer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Feb-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #69 "thunder" prompt.

Chiyo and Tomo watched a dejected Kagura slowly trudge past. An obviously chagrined Sakaki silently followed her at a distance.

"What's up with THAT?" Tomo asked, after both Kagura and Sakaki had walked away.

"Kagura broke a school record at a track and field event," Chiyo said, "but then, Miss Sakaki broke HER record in the very next match."

"Gosh," an unusually sympathetic Tomo said. "That must be really tough for Kagura."

"It's always hard when someone else 'steals your thunder'," Chiyo noted.

"It's even harder when someone else breaks your new track and field record," a clueless Tomo added.


	150. Juvenile Rethinkment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Feb-2007; general/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[wild children](http://31-days.livejournal.com/934944.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 19 of the anime.

Nyamo was talking about her troubles with an old friend after hours.

"You wouldn't believe the trouble my girls get into," Nyamo said.

"Oh?" her friend said. "Are they bringing weapons to school?"

"Oh, no," Nyamo said quickly. "It's not that—"

"Are they abusing drugs, or dealing drugs?" her friend asked.

"No," Nyamo said. "They were, um... late for class because of yawning."

"If that's the worst problem you have," her friend said, "you don't have a problem."

—

The next day, Nyamo walked up to Tomo, and looked at her meaningfully. And then, she hugged Tomo tightly.

Tomo sweat-dropped. "...what?"


	151. Break-In Breakin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #71 "broken" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Daria_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daria).
> 
> This contains slapstick violence and mild adult language. Reader discretion is advised.

Nyamo walked up to Yukari. "Is something wrong with the new photocopier?" Nyamo asked.

"Damn machine!!" Yukari yelled. "It's already broken!! Big fat smug damn stupid CRAPPY PIECE OF CRAPPY CRAP!!"

Yukari began to kick the copier. "Wait!!" Nyamo shouted. "Maybe it's only a paper jam, or a bad ink cartridge, or—"

Yukari performed her "rapid-fire" kick against the copier. It suddenly made an ominous clanking sound, collapsed on one side, and released a puff of smoke.

And then, Kimura walked up. "Is something wrong with the new photocopier?" he asked.

"It's broken," Yukari and Nyamo said in perfect unison.


	152. Income And Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #72 "fixed" prompt.

Yomi and Tomo were sharing a rare moment of mutual angst.

"I hate having no money," Yomi said sadly.

"My parents haven't raised my allowance for a whole three months," Tomo whined. "I'm living on a fixed income."

"We should try to follow monthly budgets for our allowances," Yomi said. "Maybe we could watch each other's spending."

Tomo rubbed at one ear. "I know what those words mean, and yet, when you put them together like that, I can't understand it."

"We could also follow Kagura's example," Yomi said, "and get part-time jobs."

"Oh, that's just crazy talk," Tomo said.


	153. The Cat Will Get Her Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[no more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after Osaka's dream in episode 25 of the anime.
> 
> This contains inside jokes. Reader discretion is advised.

Osaka joined the other girls at a lunch table. As soon as she saw Chiyo, she clapped both hands over her mouth.

Chiyo blinked. "Is something wrong, Miss Osaka?"

"I just remembered!" Osaka said. "Your father said that he was gonna yank my tongue right out of my head!"

Chiyo giggled. "That's just silly! My father would never do something like that! Why do you... um, Miss Sakaki?"

Sakaki was staring intently at a slice of tomato in Chiyo's lunch.

Chiyo looked down at her lunch, and then, up at Sakaki again. Sakaki suddenly and silently turned away.

Chiyo sweat-dropped.


	154. How Many Chiyo-chans Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #73 "light" prompt.

Chiyo answered her front door, and found that Yomi and Tomo were paying her a visit.

"I'm happy to see you both," Chiyo said, "but by any chance, is Miss Sakaki with you?"

"We haven't seen her," Yomi said. "Why do you ask?"

"It's kind of embarrassing... but I'm home alone, and I was hoping Miss Sakaki could change a lightbulb for me."

"Why do you need Sakaki to change a lightbulb?" Tomo asked.

Chiyo sighed, stood on her toes, and reached up. She barely reached Tomo's face.

"I don't get it," Tomo said.

Yomi dope-slapped Tomo. "DIMwit," Yomi said.


	155. We All Feel Better In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #74 "dark" prompt.
> 
> This takes place during the last trip to Chiyo's summer house.
> 
> See also "[We All Feel Better In The Dark](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternative_%28album%29)" by Pet Shop Boys.
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo was the last girl still awake. By the time she got ready for bed, the other girls were already asleep in a darkened room.

_Hmm_ , Tomo thought as she carefully entered the room. _I wonder where they put my futon._

"OUCH!!" said Kagura.

_Not there_ , Tomo thought.

"OUCH!!" said Kaorin.

_Not there either_ , Tomo thought. _Where's Chiyo- _chan_?_

"OUCH!!" said Chiyo.

_There she is_ , Tomo thought. _Oh, here's my pillow. And it's already warm!_

"HEY!! HEY!! HEY!!" said Yomi. "Watch your hands, Tomo!! Why don't you turn on the light!?"

"Because," Tomo said sincerely, "I don't want to disturb everybody."


	156. My Ride's Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Mar-2007; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[look into their eyes, and you'll see what they know: everybody dies](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.

Chiyo, Osaka, Tomo and Yomi were sharing an emotional moment, as Yukari stood by impatiently.

Yomi looked into Tomo's eyes. "I just want you to know that, despite everything, you were still a good friend."

"I wish I'd done better," Tomo said, "but it's too late now..." She suddenly hugged Yomi tightly and tearfully.

Chiyo and Osaka were both openly weeping. "I don't wanna go!!" Osaka wailed.

"I know, Miss Osaka," Chiyo sniffed. "But when it's time to go, well, it's time to go."

"Look!!" Yukari said. "Do you girls want me to give you a ride home or not!?"


	157. Sakaki Is Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #75 "shade" prompt.
> 
> This is probably an out-take from episode 22 of the anime.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls stood at the edge of the local beach, and shielded their eyes under the glare of the bright summer sun.

"It's already hot," Yomi said. "Let's hurry up and open the parasol..."

Osaka cut off Yomi with a happy sigh. "* _aaahh_ *..." She was standing in front of a suddenly confused Sakaki, with the sun behind them both. Osaka was in the shadow of Sakaki's unusual height and 'American' girth.

And then, Yomi looked down, and found Chiyo enjoying the shade of her own lovely figure.

"Sakaki?" asked Yomi. "Do you think we should be annoyed, embarrassed or flattered?"


	158. Who Is Where

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Mar-2007; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #76 "who?" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Who's On First](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who's_on_First%3F)" by Abbott & Costello.

"Hey, Yomi! Where's Osaka?"

"Osaka."

"Yeah, Osaka."

"Yes, Osaka."

"What?"

"WHAT, Tomo?"

"I'm asking you, where's Osaka!"

"And I'm telling YOU, 'Osaka'!"

"Don't call ME Osaka!"

"I DIDN'T!"

"Yes you DID! You did so, just now!"

"I'm trying to answer your question, Tomo!"

"No, you're not! You're just saying 'Osaka' over and over!"

"That's because you keep asking me where Osaka went!!"

"That's because I still don't KNOW where Osaka went!!"

"Osaka!!"

"Yes!!"

"OSAKA!!"

"YES!!"

"OSAKA!!"

"STOP CALLING *ME* OSAKA, YOMI!!"

"I'M NOT CALLING YOU OSAKA, TOMO!!"

"...surely you can just tell me where Osaka went!"

"...who's 'Shirley'?"

"ARRGH!!"

"ARRGH!!"


	159. Memory Lapse Of Judgment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 18-Mar-2007; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[with so little to be sure of in this world, hold me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 14 of the anime ("The Ocean, Summer Kimonos, And A Party!").
> 
> This contains mild cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

A still hung-over Nyamo walked up to Yukari after the girls had walked away. "Say, Yukari?" asked Nyamo. "What DID happen last night?"

Yukari crossed her arms and smirked. "Wouldn't YOU like to know?"

"Yes!!" Nyamo cried. "Tell me! Please! I'm beggin' ya!"

"Well..." Yukari continued to tease a distraught Nyamo mercilessly. "I'm not sure that you can handle the truth in your current condition."

Nyamo suddenly began to sob pathetically.

Yukari sighed, and gave her friend a friendly hug. _After all the times she helped me home when *I* was drunk_ , Yukari thought, _I just earned some bad karma._


	160. Ungifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[sometimes when the wrappings fall, there's nothing underneath at all](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1000590.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains The Oldest Joke In The Book. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo walked up to Osaka, and handed her a brightly-colored roll of paper. "This is for you, Miss Osaka—"

"Thank you, Chiyo- _chan_!" Osaka eagerly began to unroll the paper. "I wonder what it could be?..."

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Um..."

The paper fell away. "It's a cardboard tube!" Osaka said happily. "You sure wrapped it up good, Chiyo- _chan_."

_Apparently,_ Chiyo thought to herself, _Miss Osaka forgot that she asked me to buy wrapping paper for her._

Osaka held up the tube to one eye, like a telescope. "I see you, Chiyo- _chan_!"

Chiyo giggled. _But if she's happy, it doesn't matter,_ Chiyo thought.


	161. It Makes People Wonder What You've Been Doing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #80 "why?" prompt.

Yomi walked up to Tomo, who had a big smile on her face.

"What are YOU smiling about, you brat?" Yomi asked.

Tomo didn't answer. She silently smiled at Yomi.

"Oh, good grief," Yomi said. "What have you done NOW?"

Tomo didn't answer. She silently smiled at Yomi.

"For pity's sake, Tomo!" said Yomi. "TELL me!!"

Tomo didn't answer. She silently smiled at Yomi.

"AAUGH!!" Yomi ran away screaming, just as Chiyo walked up.

"Um, Tomo-chan?" asked Chiyo. "Why ARE you smiling?"

"I was just thinking," Tomo said, "of how easy it is for me to make Yomi freak out."


	162. Ped Xinger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 31-Mar-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #79 "when?" prompt.
> 
> This probably takes place shortly after episode 2 of the anime.

Tomo found Osaka standing at a busy street corner, patiently waiting for the "WALK" signal.

"Hey, Osaka," said Tomo. "Whatcha waitin' for? I thought everybody in Osaka crossed the street whenever they want."

"You should only cross the street when the 'WALK' signal is on," Osaka said sternly, "unless you're runnin' for your life, or somethin'."

Tomo smirked. "As if YOU ever had to run for your life."

Osaka sighed sadly, as if she were remembering an unpleasant experience.

A gullible Tomo dully stared at Osaka. Tomo's jaw slowly fell open.

"Oh!" said Osaka. "The 'WALK' signal is on now."


	163. The Nostalgia Factory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 3-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "nostalgia" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from the final episode of the anime.
> 
> See also "[The Nostalgia Factory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Sunday_of_Life)" by Porcupine Tree.

Yukari and Nyamo watched their students pose for pictures, exchange addresses and say their goodbyes after the graduation ceremony.

"Doesn't this bring back memories," Nyamo said wistfully.

"..." said Yukari.

Nyamo sighed. "Nothing brings back memories to you, but our students will remember their school days—"

A tearful Osaka walked up. "Miss Yukari!" she whined. "I forgot to put on my outside shoes! An' the name sticker that I put on my shoe locker door has already been scraped off, an' I can't remember which locker is mine..."

Nyamo silently resolved to keep her nostalgia to herself from now on.


	164. Going With The Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "leisurely encounter beside a stream" prompt.

Chiyo found Osaka kneeling over the gutter near the school campus. "What are you doing, Miss Osaka?" she asked.

"Watchin' things float on the water," Osaka said. "Here comes a leaf... Hello, Mr. Leaf!... Goodbye, Mr. Leaf!..."

Chiyo glanced at her watch. "Um... school is starting..."

"Hello, Mr. Twig!... Goodbye, Mr. Twig!..."

Chiyo reluctantly left her friend behind.

"Hello, Mr. Wrapper!... Goodbye, Mr. Wrapper!..."

—

Half an hour later, Osaka looked up, and found an angry Yukari standing behind her. "Hello, Miss Yukari!" said Osaka.

Yukari grabbed Osaka by her collar and dragged her away. "Goodbye, Mr. Gutter!" Osaka said sadly.


	165. Azumanga And The Holy Grail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Apr-2007; humor/parody; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "across the bridge" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Monty Python And The Holy Grail_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python_and_the_Holy_Grail).
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

The other girls met with Tomo at the end of a raised pedestrian cross-walk.

"STOP!!" Tomo shouted at Chiyo. "Who approaches the Bridge of Tomo must answer me these Questions Three, ere the other side she see."

"Um, okay," Chiyo said.

"WHAT!... is your name?"

"Mihama Chiyosuke."

"WHAT!... is your quest?"

"Erm, to go to school?"

"WHAT!... is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

Tomo stood aside. "Off you go."

Chiyo walked on, and an impatient Kagura walked up.

"STOP!!" Tomo yelled. "WHAT!... is your name?"

"Kagura!"

"WHAT!... is your quest?"

"To get to school on time!"

"WHAT!... does 'I.T.' stand for?"

Kagura frowned. "Uh... aw nuts, I forget. Hey, Chiyo- _chan_ , what did that— OUCH!!"

Tomo dope-slapped Kagura hard enough to knock her silly, and then beckoned to Osaka and Yomi.

"WHAT!... is your name?" Tomo asked Osaka.

Osaka blinked. "Uhm..."

Yomi whispered in Osaka's ear. "Oh, right," Osaka said. "'Osaka'."

"No fair helping her, Yomi. WHAT!... is your quest?"

"To get to the other side."

"WHAT!... is your favorite kind of champuru?"

"Locally, or in Okinawa?" Osaka asked.

Tomo shrugged. "*I* dunno— AAUGH!!"

Kagura had put Tomo in a choke-hold. "I GOT YER 'I.T.' RIGHT HERE, YOU LOUSY ROTTEN STINKIN'—"


	166. Drifting Classroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "coming back" prompt.
> 
> Inspired by the cruel _Azumanga Daioh_ doujinshi of the same name.

Yukari had stepped out of the classroom.

"I wonder if Miss Yukari is coming back before the lunch period," Chiyo- _chan_ said.

"If she doesn't, I hope someone dismisses us," Yomi said. "I'm starving!"

"Aw, poor Yomi," said Tomo. "And what would you do if class is never dismissed?"

"In that case," Yomi said menacingly, "one of US will have to go into the pot."

A sweat-dropping Tomo suddenly noticed that everybody else was staring intently at her.

Osaka held up a pair of disposable chopsticks and pulled them apart cleanly with a loud * _SNAP_ *!!

Tomo wailed in terror. "MISS YUKARI!!"


	167. How Do I Shot Web

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #81 "how?" prompt.

Tomo walked up to Chiyo in the computer lab. "Hey, Chiyo- _chan_! How do I make my own Web page?" She held up a sketch of her page.

"A big picture of you," Chiyo said, "and some text about how wonderful you are? That's a perfect personal Web page for you, Tomo- _chan_."

Chiyo let Tomo sit at her computer. "OK," Chiyo said, "the first step is to type the text for your page."

Tomo stared at the computer keyboard for a full minute, and then she pressed a single key.

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Maybe the first step is to learn to type."


	168. If This Is It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Apr-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #82 "if" prompt.
> 
> This contains drinking humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari had dragged a moody Nyamo out of her apartment to go drinking. Nyamo remained unusually quiet, even as Yukari made a loud drunken fool of herself.

"What's eatin' ya?" Yukari suddenly said. "You've hardly scowled at me or scolded me all night."

Nyamo answered with another question. "What if this is it?... Working full-time through the week, and drinking away the weekends. Are we going to spend the rest of our lives like this?"

"Would that be so terrible?" Yukari asked.

Nyamo slowly smiled. "No. I suppose not."

"My advice to you," Yukari declared, "is to start drinking heavily."


	169. Iceeeeee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-May-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[sun and ice](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains pain and suffering. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls had bought shaved ice on a hot day. As soon as Tomo got her shaved ice, she gulped down a huge mouthful.

"Be careful, Tomo- _chan_!" said Chiyo. "If you eat your ice too fast, you'll give yourself an 'ice cream headache'!"

"Ha ha!" Tomo said. "Only little kids get those!" She took another huge mouthful of ice to prove her point.

"Don't worry, Chiyo- _chan_ ," said Yomi. "Shaved ice can't make your head hurt when you're a numbskull."

Tomo suddenly fell into a fetal position, clutched at her poor head, and whimpered to herself.

"I stand corrected," Yomi said.


	170. Misunderstudied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-May-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the understudy](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

The other girls noticed that a worried Tomo was studying a small book with an unusually intent expression.

"What's up with her?" Kagura asked.

"She agreed to stand in for the lead actress in the school play, in case the lead got sick," Yomi said. "Of course, she didn't bother to learn her lines, and now the lead IS sick— nothing serious, thank goodness. But the play starts tomorrow."

"In other words," Osaka declared, "Tomo understudied to be an understudy."

"Wow," said Chiyo. "That was pretty good, Miss Osaka."

Yomi agreed. "It's a role that Tomo was born to play."


	171. Eating With Your Mouth Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-May-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[angel food](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains inside jokes. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi walked up to the other girls during the lunch period, carrying a boxed lunch.

"Is that another one of your super spicy-hot lunches?" Tomo asked.

"Nope," Yomi said. "Some of the faculty and students' mothers donated home-made lunches for a fund-raiser. This is a Mrs. Kimura 'Love Wife Lunch'!"

The other girls crowded around Yomi. "It looks great," Tomo said. "So, what does food made by an angel like Mrs. Kimura taste like?"

Yomi took a bite of her food. Suddenly, her eyeglasses frosted over and her mouth fell open.

"So THAT'S why he acts like that," Tomo said.


	172. Hay Hic Fever Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-May-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[onomatopoe(t)ic](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.

Tomo and Yomi walked up to Osaka. "Hey, Osaka," said Tomo. "What's up?"

"* _ahchoo_ * * _hic_ *" said Osaka.

"Huh?" said Tomo.

"It sounds like she has hay fever and the hiccups at the same time," Yomi said.

"* _ahchoo_ * * _hic_ *" Osaka said again.

"Actually, she kinda sounds like a programmed drum machine," Tomo said.

"Yeah, she does, doesn't she," Yomi said.

Tomo and Yomi briefly tapped their feet to Osaka's strange rhythm. "* _ahchoo_ * * _hic_ *" said Osaka.

"Well, that was fun," Tomo said. "See ya later, Osaka."

"Take care now," Yomi said as she and Tomo walked away.

"* _ahchoo_ * * _hic_ *" Osaka said sadly.


	173. Final A Peel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-May-2007; angst/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[blue, like an orange](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1111764.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [Asheville (The Orange Peel)](http://tmbw.net/wiki/Asheville) by They Might Be Giants.

Osaka sat at Chiyo's heated table, eating an orange while Chiyo stepped out for a moment.

She sat back with a happy sigh. But then, she looked down at the remains of her orange.

_I took the best part_ , Osaka thought, _and left the peel behind. The peel must hate me for that..._

—

Chiyo returned to her room. "I'm sorry to have left you, Miss Osaka..."

Osaka slowly looked up at Chiyo with big sad shiny eyes. She was remorsefully chewing on her orange peel.

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Um, Miss Osaka? If you're that hungry, I could get you another orange."


	174. Stuff Your Suggestion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Jul-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[writing straight in crooked lines](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1165513.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 7 of the anime ("Culture Fest").

Tomo found Osaka writing tiny script in the center of an empty sheet of paper.

"Is that a suggestion for the culture festival?" Tomo asked.

"Uh huh," Osaka said.

"Why don't you use the whole sheet," Tomo asked, "and write it bigger?"

"It's gotta fit through that little hole in the top of the suggestion box."

Tomo sweat-dropped. "You could fold it, Osaka."

"I don't want my idea to be folded, spindled or mutilated," Osaka said earnestly.

"That's understandable," Tomo said. "After all, according to the legend of the—"

"IT DOESN'T HAVE A LEGEND!!" Yomi yelled from across the room.


	175. Posturing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 16-Jul-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[she is parallel to her rectum at all times](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1165513.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild slapstick violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Chiyo noticed that Tomo was slouching at her desk, even more than usual.

"Tomo-chan, you should sit up straight," Chiyo said. "Good posture encourages good attitude."

"Good attitude?" Tomo said. "Yeah, what-EV-er."

"Look at how straight Miss Yomi sits at her desk," Chiyo said. Yomi smiled smugly to herself. 

"When Miss Yomi sits up straight like that," Chiyo continued, "it helps her to concentrate on the—"

"Huh," Tomo said. "I thought Yomi sat up straight like that because she has a stick up her AAUGH!!"

"Good posture also allows Miss Yomi to administer dope-slaps more quickly and easily," Chiyo noted.


	176. Soundabout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Jul-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the quiet things that no one ever knows](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1165513.html)" prompt.

Chiyo found Osaka alone in a classroom after school. "Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo. "Why are you still here?"

"Sh!" Osaka said. "Listen, Chiyo- _chan_."

Chiyo blinked. "Um, I don't hear anything—"

"Listen real close," Osaka said. "It took me awhile to notice it."

"Hmm..." Chiyo frowned with the effort. "Oh... a faint electric humming sound?"

"Yeah!" Osaka said. "That's it!"

"Maybe it's the flourescent lights," Chiyo thought out loud. "I wonder why we never noticed it before?"

Tomo suddenly barged into the room. "HAY GUISE!! What's goin' on!? MAN, it sure is QUIET in here!!"

Chiyo and Osaka sighed sadly together.


	177. Men Are From Mars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #84 "he" prompt.

Yomi found Kagura on the verge of tears. "What's wrong?" Yomi asked kindly.

"It's this boy—" Kagura sniffed.

"Did he try to hurt you!?" an alarmed Yomi asked.

"No, no... actually, he asked me out on a date. And he seemed really nice..."

"Oh," Yomi said. "Well, what's the problem?"

"It's a BOY!" Kagura cried. "I hang out with you, an' Sakaki, an' the other girls, and Miss Kurosawa, and Yukari- _chan_... the only men I know are my father and Mr. Kimura! I don't know the first thing about boys!!"

"Oh," Yomi said again. "Sorry. Can't help you with that."


	178. Yomo And Tomi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #83 "and" prompt.
> 
> This contains very mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi walked up to Chiyo and Osaka, and held up a hand in greeting. "Hello, Chiyo. Hello, Osaka."

"Oh!" Chiyo said. "It's Miss Yomi and— oh, uhm..."

"Is something wrong?" Yomi asked.

"It's just," Chiyo said hesitantly, "You and Tomo are together so often, I'm used to saying 'Miss Yomi And Tomo-chan'."

Yomi's glasses frosted over. "What!?" she said dangerously.

"It's true," Osaka said. "You an' Tomo are like, uhm—"

"If you say 'a couple'," Yomi growled. "I shall have to hurt you."

Osaka gulped. "You an' Tomo are like, uhm, two people."

"Two single unattached people," Yomi added.


	179. Life Choices (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) "#86 "choices" prompt.

"Got any plans for the weekend?" Nyamo asked Yukari.

"I might watch television," Yukari said, "or I might play some video games..."

"You're not going out?" a surprised Nyamo asked.

"I'm flat broke," Yukari said sadly. "I don't have a lot of choices."

Nyamo sighed. "You see? I'm always telling you to be more careful with your money! If you didn't waste it, you could get more out of life—"

Yukari cut her off. "Oh, I do have a third choice. I could watch television, play video games, or PUNCH MY INSUFFERABLY SMUG AND SANCTIMONIOUS FRIEND RIGHT IN THE MOUTH!!"


	180. Life Choices (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #87 "life" prompt.

"Something wrong?" Nyamo asked Yukari.

"Yeah," Yukari said. "I got to thinkin' about what you said, about bein' more careful with my money, and gettin' more out of life..."

"And you're resolving to do it?" Nyamo asked hopefully.

Yukari held her poor head. "Nah. Just thinkin' about it gave me a headache, and made me sick to my stomach. If I wanted to feel like I had a hangover, I'd rather just go drinkin' instead."

Nyamo pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Now YOU'VE given ME a headache."

"You SEE?" Yukari yelled angrily. "And it was YOUR idea!!"


	181. School Home Work (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #88 "school" prompt.

Tomo was slowly walking home with her book-bag slung over her shoulder, theatrically struggling under the weight of a handful of text books.

Yomi caught up with her. "What's your problem?" Yomi asked. "Did your back 'go out' on you?"

"It's all this homework!!" Tomo whined. "It's cruel to make poor little Tomo-chan drag all these books home from school!!"

"Just think of it as a weight-lifting assignment from Miss Kurosawa," Yomi said.

"You mean, more homework!?" Tomo wailed. "How's that supposed to make me feel better?"

Yomi grinned evilly. "Who said I was trying to make you feel better?"


	182. School Home Work (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #89 "work" prompt.
> 
> Slightly influenced by _Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei_...

Yomi found a weary Tomo slumped over her desk, using her textbooks as an uncomfortable pillow.

"Keep THAT up," Yomi said, "and your back WILL 'go out'."

Tomo ignored her. "I can't wait to get through high school and college, so that I can take it easy."

"You mean, besides getting a job?" Yomi asked.

Tomo bolted up. "You mean, after THIS, I have to WORK!?"

"Well, DUH," Yomi said. "Wait— what are you doing?"

Tomo pulled a rope from her desk and began to tie a noose. "I'm going to kill myself now," she said.

"Oh," Yomi said. "'Kay."


	183. School Home Work (part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Aug-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #90 "home" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo knocked at the open window of Yomi's room, and let herself in. Yomi looked up, and face-palmed. "Oh, good GRIEF," she groaned. "What NOW!?"

Tomo was wearing a frilly French maid outfit. She struck a pose. "I've decided to drop out of school and become a home-maker. What do you think?"

"I'd like to see you clean a toilet," Yomi said snarkily. "The only thing you'll do in that outfit is attract attention from creepy costume fetishists."

"So says the _meganekko_ who always wears stockings," Tomo noted.

"Get OUT of my ROOM!!" Yomi yelled, not for the first time.


	184. We Took The Words Right Out Of Their Mouths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the words you’ve borrowed](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1216936.html)" prompt.

"Miss Yukari?" asked Osaka. "I have a Japanese language question, please."

_Uh oh_ , Yukari thought to herself. "Go ahead," she reluctantly said out loud.

"Ya know how words that came from other languages are called '[loanwords](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loanword)'?"

"Yes, that's right," an impressed Yukari said.

"Well... what happens when we gotta give 'em back?"

Yukari sighed. "Osaka, we didn't actually borrow them—"

Osaka gasped. "Ya mean, we STOLE 'em? This is terrible!"

"Listen, you lovable little fruit-loop," Yukari said. "It's only an etymological mechanism—"

But Osaka was inconsolable. "This is even worse," she said sadly, "than when Miss Sakaki stole Chiyo- _chan_ 's height."


	185. Christmas Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #92 "Christmas" prompt.
> 
> This takes place after episode 17 of the anime.

Sakaki was standing near Chiyo's house, the day after Christmas, waiting for Chiyo to take Mr. Tadakichi for a walk.

"Merry Christmas, Miss Sakaki!" said Chiyo, as Sakaki caught up with her.

"Merry Christmas," Sakaki said. "Did your father get back home okay?"

"What do you mean?" Chiyo said. "My father didn't go anywhere."

Sakaki stopped. "He... didn't?..."

"No," Chiyo said, "he spent yesterday at home, with me and... oh, what's wrong?"

"But what about the children!?" a tearful Sakaki asked.

_I get the feeling_ , Chiyo thought to herself, _that Miss Sakaki and I are talking about different things again_.


	186. Thirty Trick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #91 "birthday" prompt.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Yukari?" asked Nyamo. "Do you remember the agreement we made last night?"

Yukari scratched her head. "Uhm..."

"You were drunk," Nyamo said patiently, "and you said that I was whining about being single again. And you said that, if we were both single on my thirtieth birthday, we should get together. And I agreed, mostly to get you to be quiet."

"Oh yeah, that agreement," Yukari said.

"I've been thinking about it..." Nyamo said nervously.

"Why?" Yukari said. "That was only a drunken joke—"

"Actually," Nyamo said, "I've decided I don't want to wait that long."

"Uh oh," said Yukari.


	187. Why Does The Sun Shine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Sep-2007; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> Just an excuse to quote a They Might Be Giants cover song (including a lyric that's often changed at concerts).

"Chiyo- _chan_?" Osaka asked. "Can I double-check my science class research paper with you?"

"Of course," Chiyo said.

Osaka cleared her throat. "'The Sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees.'"

"So far, so good," Chiyo said.

Osaka continued reading. "'It's so hot that everything on it is a gas— even iron, copper, aluminum, and many others.'"

"That's correct," Chiyo said.

"'The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, helium, and estrogen.'"

"Yes, that's all— wait, what?"


	188. Good Bread, Good Meat, Good God, Let's Eat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #93 "Thanksgiving" prompt.

Tomo sat down to lunch with the other girls. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub!" she said happily.

"You should say _itadakimasu_ properly, Tomo-chan," said Chiyo.

"Don't waste your time, Chiyo- _chan_ ," Yomi said. "You know how _itadakimasu_ literally means, "I humbly receive?"

"Of course," Chiyo said.

"Our Tomo has never received anything humbly in her life," Yomi noted dryly.

"Hmm?" Tomo said through a mouthful of food. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."

"Never mind, Your Majesty," Yomi grumbled.

"Then why did you interrupt my lunch?" Tomo asked. "That's just RUDE— OUCH!!"


	189. I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Sep-2007; horror?/humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #95 "New Year" prompt.
> 
> See also "[I Had Too Much To Dream (Last Night)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Had_Too_Much_to_Dream_%28Last_Night%29)" by the Electric Prunes.
> 
> This takes place one or two years after the girls' New Year dreams in episode 8 of the anime.
> 
> This contains weird cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi found Osaka deep in thought, the first morning of a new year back at school. "Is something wrong, Osaka?" asked Yomi.

"I was thinkin' about the New Year's dream I had last night," Osaka said. "It was really, REALLY strange. I feel like I've seen things no person was meant to see."

"If you think it was strange, it must be exceptional," Yomi said. "Care to tell me what they were?"

"Are ya sure?" Osaka asked. "I probably shouldn't have mentioned it..."

"Oh, come on," Yomi said. "Now I'm really curious."

"Well, okay," Osaka said, "if you really wanna know..."

And then, Osaka told Yomi about the things she had seen in her New Year's dream.

Yomi suddenly began to weep.

"Are you okay?" asked Osaka.

"Nuh— no," Yomi sobbed. She fell to her knees, and then collapsed to the floor. She began to wail loudly in despair, tearing her clothing and gnashing her teeth.

An annoyed Yukari walked up. "Osaka!!" she yelled. "Are you driving your friends insane with unspeakable horrors again!?"

"I didn't mean to!" Osaka said. "All I did was tell her—"

Yukari clapped her hands to her ears. "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!"


	190. Independent Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Sep-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**fanfic100**](http://fanfic100.livejournal.com/) #94 "independence" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Independent Women](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Independent_Women_Part_I)" by Destiny's Child.

Kagura found Nyamo re-marking the school field with a heavy spray tank on wheels.

"Hi, Coach," said Kagura. "I thought you said the striping equipment wasn't working."

"It wasn't," Nyamo said, "but I took another look at it, and I managed to fix it myself."

"Really?" Kagura said. "That's awesome!"

"It's not that impressive," Nyamo said modestly.

"You should be proud of your independence and self-reliance," Kagura said. "You can do anything..."

Kagura paused for a long uncomfortable silence. "Except put on a summer kimono," she finally said.

Nyamo hung her head. "Had to bring that up again, didn't you?"


	191. Withered Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 15-Nov-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I hate quotations](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1306859.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[Withered Hope](http://tmbw.net/wiki/Withered_Hope)" by They Might Be Giants.

The girls were enjoying lunch— except for Tomo. "Aw, c'mon!" Tomo cried. "Won't one of you lend me money for lunch?"

"Nope," said Yomi. "This is an important lesson for you to learn, Tomo. You've got to be more careful with your money."

"That's right," Osaka said solemnly. "Like Benjamin Franklin once said— 'She that lives upon Hope, dies farting'."

A stunned silence fell over the group.

Chiyo finally spoke up. "Miss Osaka? I think you mean 'dies FASTing'."

"Yeah," Tomo said, "an' anyway, Yomi's the one who eats hot 'n' spicy food, and she's the one who's always faAAAUGH!!"


	192. In The Company Of Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Nov-2007; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[like wolves do](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1306859.html)" prompt.

"...I heard that you had a tough time at the swimming tournament," Yomi said to Kagura, as Sakaki silently sat nearby.

"Our team just wasn't good enough to be competitive," Kagura said sadly. "I felt like we were thrown to the wolves."

Sakaki imagined Kagura's swimming team being flung into a pack of cute and friendly wolf pups. She held one hand over her mouth, and began to giggle to herself.

"You're MEAN, Sakaki!" a tearful Kagura cried. "We didn't deserve to win, but you don't have to LAUGH about it!"

"...yeah, that's another wacky misunderstanding," Yomi said to herself.


	193. Take A Hic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Dec-2007; angst?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[when all else fails](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.
> 
> This takes place shortly after episode 2 of the anime ("Osaka's Day").
> 
> This contains an inside joke. Reader discretion is advised.

"Good * _hic_ * morning," Yomi said to the other girls. "It's your * _hic_ * turn for the hiccups, Tomo."

"What are you doing?" asked Kaorin, as Yomi tagged Tomo.

"After Osaka * _hic_ * gave the hiccups to Chiyo- _chan_ , they became * _hic_ * incurable," Tomo said.

"But we've learned how to give them to someone else, so we're sharing the burden," Yomi said.

Kaorin giggled. "That's ridiculous!"

"In that * _hic_ * case, you won't mind this." Tomo tagged Kaorin.

"* _hic_ *" said Kaorin. "But— but— this is * _hic_ * impossible!!"

"Thanks, Kaorin!" said Tomo. "See ya tomorrow!"

"Wait!..." Kaorin said tearfully. "Don't * _hic_ * leave me like * _hic_ * this..."


	194. Toothpaste Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Dec-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[like toothpaste, smooth and minty](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.

Osaka was snacking on crackers with a creamy white spread. "Those look tasty," Chiyo said.

"Want one?" Osaka handed a cracker to her friend. "I made 'em myself."

Chiyo bit into the cracker. "Wow, it's really minty. It's as strong as toothpaste."

"It is toothpaste," Osaka said.

Chiyo sweat-dropped. "Why would you— well, OK, why would anyone use toothpaste as a spread?"

"It's convenient," Osaka said.

"Huh?" said Chiyo.

"If you eat toothpaste for a snack," Osaka said proudly, "you don't have to brush your teeth when you're done eating."

Chiyo held her poor head. "Brain all hurty," she whimpered.


	195. Nyamo Means No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Dec-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[commitment is a sin unto one's self](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains creepy adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Nyamo and Mrs. Kimura were chatting during a quiet moment at the sports fest.

"The weather should be lovely, this weekend," Mrs. Kimura said. "Are you doing anything, Miss Kurosawa?"

"Probably not," Nyamo admitted.

"You should enjoy yourself while you're single. Marriage is wonderful, but it can be... stifling..."

Nyamo blinked. "Er... I'm sorry..."

"You're so sweet," Mrs. Kimura said. "If you're not busy? Would you like to?..." She whispered in Nyamo's ear.

_**OH GOD INDIRECT KIMURA CONTACT OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD UNCLEAN UNHOLY WRONG WRONG WRONG!!**_ , Nyamo thought to herself.

"Um... no, thank you," Nyamo said weakly.


	196. Bitter Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 29-Dec-2007; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the sweet and the bitter](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1321868.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is a kinda-sorta sequel to "[Bitter Isn't Better](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6584737/chapters/15848227)."

Osaka found Tomo slumped over her desk. "What happened to her?" Osaka asked a smirking Yomi.

"She had trouble with the vending machines again," Yomi said. "This time, she got milk tea, but the machine ran out and only gave her a half cup. She was still thirsty, so she drank some unsweetened green tea again. After the milk tea, it seemed twice as bitter."

"I feel like my face imploded," Tomo said weakly, without raising her head from her desk.

"Oh, I hate it when my face implodes," Osaka said solemnly, as if she were speaking from literal experience.


	197. Childhood's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 10-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the simple and loving heart of childhood](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1361030.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari and Nyamo watched Chiyo trot past them in a hallway on some errand for her classmates.

"You know," Yukari said to Nyamo, "Chiyo- _chan_ is really thoughtful and sensitive for a high-schooler, let alone a girl her age."

Nyamo agreed. "And she's very conscientious and responsible."

"A lot more than me at that age," Yukari said.

"That goes without saying," Nyamo noted.

Both Yukari and Nyamo fell silent, lost in their thoughts.

"Hey, Nyamo," Yukari suddenly said. "¥10000 says Chiyo- _chan_ has a massive nervous breakdown by her 21st birthday."

"Yukari!!" Nyamo said sternly. "You know I don't take losing bets."


	198. Incorrection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Jan-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a friendly eye could never see faults](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1361030.html)" prompt.

Tomo whined at Yomi from her desk. "Yomi!! I don't understand this math problem! Help me!!"

Yomi sighed, walked up, and looked over Tomo's shoulder. "Um... OK, there's your mistake—"

"Are you saying it's my fault!?" Tomo cried. "You're so mean, Yomi!!"

"Look," Yomi said, "do you want to feel good about yourself, or do you want the right answer?"

"Duh!!" Tomo said. "I want to feel good about myself!"

Yomi face-palmed. "Oh fine, but do you have to annoy me in order to feel good about yourself?"

"Duh again!" Tomo said. "Yes!"

"You have serious self-validation issues," Yomi said.


	199. Jelly Rolls Jelly Rolls Nobody Loves You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Feb-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[love me little, love me long](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1430852.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains mild cruel humor. Reader discretion is advised.

"Miss Yukari?" said Osaka. "Do you have a favorite student?"

"I love all my girls!" Yukari said magnanimously. She pointed at Chiyo. "Even if they're short..."

Chiyo blinked. "Excuse me?"

Yukari pointed at Sakaki. "...or if they're tall..."

"..." said Sakaki, who was in her own world.

Yukari pointed at Tomo. "...or if they're skinny..."

Tomo also remained silent— she was asleep at her desk.

Yukari pointed at Yomi before she could stop herself. "Or if they're fah— fah— fabulous!"

Yomi hung her head and fought back angry tears. "I'm so glad you appreciate my 'inner beauty'," she said bitterly.


	200. You Do The Math

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 1-Mar-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[looking forward while moving backwards](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1506131.html)" prompt.

"So, how badly did you fail the math mid-term?" Yomi smugly asked Tomo.

"I got 40%," Tomo said. "But that's OK. I'll still get an 'A' in math."

Yomi face-palmed. "Tomo, you'd have to get a perfect score on the final exam just to get a 'C-minus' in math now!"

"Oh," Tomo said, "so you're saying that I can't get an 'A' in math?"

"Yes," Yomi said, "because you'd have to get about 140% on the final exam to get an 'A'!"

"...that will be difficult," Tomo said thoughtfully.

"Especially if your math isn't any better than this," Yomi added.


	201. Forget Who What

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Mar-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[remembering blue flowers](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1506131.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a lame joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Kagura and Sakaki were walking down the street together, pointing out flowers and trying to name them again.

They walked up to a patch of small blue flowers. Kagura pointed, but paused. "...uh, pass. What are those?"

Sakaki frowned. "...I don't know either," she said quietly.

"Man!" Kagura said. "I know I know this! Why can't I remember it?"

Just then, Yomi walked up. "Yomi!!" said Kagura. "What kind of flowers are those?"

"Forget-me-not," Yomi said.

"I didn't," Kagura said indignantly. "You're Yomi. I'm asking about the flowers."

"Do me a favor," Yomi said, "and forget you ever knew me."


	202. No One And Tomo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Mar-2008; humor/parody; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[one point shy of winning](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1506131.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also _Ferris Bueller's Day Off_. (This is just an excuse to quote Principal Rooney.)
> 
> This contains gratuitous violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo was late for Nyamo's class. She walked up to Yomi, who was watching a softball game already in progress.

"What's the score," Tomo asked.

"Zero-zero," Yomi said.

"Who's winning?" Tomo asked. 

An extremely annoyed Yomi pounced on Tomo and began to pummel her severely for asking such a stupid question.

Then Yukari walked up to Nyamo, who was watching the girls fight.

"What's going on?" Yukari asked.

"Tomo and Yomi are fighting again," Nyamo said.

"Who started it?" Yukari asked.

An extremely annoyed Nyamo pounced on Yukari and began to pummel her severely for asking such a stupid question.


	203. One Day At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Apr-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[take the long road and walk it](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1549763.html)" prompt.

Osaka was sitting at a computer, concentrating on a screen with multiple choices.

Yomi walked up. "Is that a 'visual novel' game, Osaka?" she asked.

"Yeah," Osaka said. "I'm just about to make my choice for today."

"Your 'choice for today'?" Yomi asked. "You know, you are allowed to play out more than one choice a day."

"But most of the choices play out for a day of game-time!" a worried Osaka said. "If I do that, then I'll be out of sync with reality!"

"Um, Osaka?" Yomi said gently. "I'm afraid that you're already out of sync with reality."


	204. Present Tense Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-Jun-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[they go in a two, and walk out a ten](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1634356.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains very mild creepy humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Yukari and Nyamo were taking roll-call before taking the girls on another trip.

"Yomi?" said Yukari.

"Here," said Yomi.

"Tomo?"

"The one and only!!"

"Chiyo- _chan_?"

"Present!"

"Osaka?"

"..."

"...OK, I guess you're here in a way. Kagura?"

"HERE!!"

"Sakaki?"

"...here."

"Kaorin?"

"Here, by Sakaki!"

"Mr. Kimura?"

"Here, by Kaorin!"

Nyamo face-palmed. "Yukari... Just because Mr. Kimura is always stalking all of us, it doesn't mean we should include him in roll-call."

"It somehow doesn't seem right if we don't include him," Yukari said in a strangely wistful tone.

"How can it be right if we DO include him!?" Nyamo yelled.


	205. The Mascot Was Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[discreetly trying to get attention](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html)" prompt.
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 7 of the anime ("Culture Fest").
> 
> This contains nudity (sort of) and mild adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo, still wearing the cat mascot costume, walked up to Kagura and Yomi after another round of "scattering cuteness all over the school."

"Aren't you hot after running around the school in that costume?" Kagura asked.

Tomo answered as she removed the costume's head. "I was at first," she said, "but then I realized I don't have to wear a uniform under this full-body costume."

"Don't tell me you're wearing your swimsuit under your clothes again!?" Yomi said.

"Nope!" Tomo said proudly. "I'm not wearing ANYTHING under this costume."

"...Yomi?" said Kagura, after an uncomfortable silence. "Your nose is bleeding."


	206. Think Or Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 25-Jul-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[no matter what](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1685108.html)" prompt.

"Have ya been swimming every night after school?" Osaka asked Kagura.

"Yep!" Kagura said. "I'm gonna win the swimming competition next month, no matter what!"

"Wow!" Osaka said. "Wouldja win if the other team doesn't show up?"

Kagura blinked. "Um... actually, I think that would be a forfeit..."

"Wouldja win if they filled the swimming pool with Jello instead of water?" Osaka asked.

Kagura giggled. "I don't know, but it would be a lot of fun to try!"

"Wouldja win if aliens invaded and took over the Earth?" Osaka asked.

"OK," a still-smiling Kagura said, "now you're just being silly."


	207. Raisin Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 14-Aug-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[ _raison d'etre_](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1720454.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains a gratuitous pun. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi was distracted from her lunch by Tomo, who was picking raisins from some raisin bread and flicking them at Yomi's head.

"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU BRAT!!" Yomi yelled. "Why can't you just eat your raisin bread!?"

"Because I hate raisins," Tomo said, as Osaka walked up. "I'm not gonna eat bread with raisins in it!"

"WHAT!?" said Yomi. "Raisins are the whole point of raisin bread!!"

"You could say," Osaka said, "they're the 'raisin d'etre'."

Most of the students within earshot either choked on their lunch or held their heads and whimpered.

"I guess everybody hates raisins," Osaka mused.


	208. Arguing The Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 6-Dec-2008; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I'll argue the point no longer, only cry for you a little](http://31-days.livejournal.com/1912785.html)" prompt.

After a long day of bickering with Tomo at school, Yomi was not enjoying continued bickering during their walk home.

"Would you please shut up, just for a few minutes!?" Yomi suddenly snapped. "I don't want to argue with you any more!"

"Oh, really?" Tomo said brightly. "I bet you do!""

"What!?" said Yomi. "I just said I DON'T, you idiot!!"

"Aha! You're still arguing with me!" Tomo said gleefully. "If you didn't want to argue, you would have stopped by now!"

Then Tomo paused. "Uh, Yomi? What's wrong?... Hey, are you crying?..."

Yomi suddenly wailed. "THE STUPID!! IT BURNS!!"


	209. Strawberry Short Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Feb-2009; humor; 200 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days_exchnge**](http://31-days-exchnge.livejournal.com/) "strawberry seeds at school" prompt.

After lunch, the other girls watched Chiyo open a large box and pull out a serving of strawberry shortcake.

"That looks delicious," Yomi said, mouth watering despite having just eaten lunch.

"I hope you brought enough for everybody, young lady," Tomo said condescendingly.

"Actually, I did," Chiyo said proudly. She produced a second slice and handed it to Osaka.

"Thanks, Chiyo- _chan_!" Osaka took a big bite— and froze.

"Is something wrong with it, Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo.

"Always know, sometimes think, it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream," Osaka said distantly.

"Huh?" said Kagura.

"I think, er no, I mean, er yes, but it's all wrong," Osaka said. "That is, I think I disagree."

Yomi shrugged. "Don't worry, Kagura. That doesn't make any less sense than what Osaka usually says— Tomo, what are you doing!?"

Tomo was carefully removing the skin from the strawberry on her serving. "I'm scrapin' the seeds off," she said. "I don't want strawberries to grow in my stomach."

Yomi face-palmed. "That's when you eat watermelon, you idiot!!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" an alarmed Kagura said. "You mean, if you eat watermelon seeds, they really will grow in your—"

"NO!!" Yomi yelled.


	210. Starving For Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Jul-2010; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Are you going to starve an old friend?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/2542381.html)" prompt.

After school was dismissed for the day, Yomi found Tomo slumped over her desk.

"Problem?" Yomi asked.

"I'm HUNGRY," Tomo said face-down into her desk.

"You shouldn't have eaten lunch early," an entirely unsympathetic Yomi said.

"Buy me a snack?" Tomo asked weakly.

"No!" said Yomi. "Go home and eat dinner!"

Tomo looked up with sad puppy-dog eyes. "But I'm so HUNGRY," she whined.

"Wouldja KNOCK it OFF!?" Yomi yelled.

And then, Kagura walked up. "Gosh," she said earnestly, "I am so HUNGRY!"

As Yomi's own stomach began to growl, Yomi paused to weigh the benefits and risks of cannibalism.


	211. Classroom Mushrooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 24-Jan-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the dry seed deep in the dark earth, feeling the rain and the warmth seeping down to it](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3152652.html)" prompt.

Nyamo found Yukari slumped over her teachers' lounge desk. "How much longer is it until summer break?" Yukari mumbled.

"You should try to show more enthusiasm," Nyamo said. "We're here to cultivate young minds and encourage them to grow."

Yukari snorted. "It's more like, we treat 'em like mushrooms, and we keep 'em in the dark and cover 'em with—"

"YUKARI!!" Nyamo cut her off angrily. "You shouldn't talk about your students' education like that!!"

"Oh?" said Yukari. "I believe my approach is more similar to how they'll be treated in the real world."

"...you've got me there," Nyamo admitted.


	212. The Rain Explained Stays Mainly In The Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Feb-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[more riddles than raindrops outside](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[The Rain In Spain](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rain_in_Spain)" by Lerner & Loewe.

The girls were looking through classroom windows at an overcast sky.

"It looks like it's going to rain," Chiyo said.

"What does?" Osaka asked.

"Um... the weather?" Chiyo said nervously.

"But the rain IS the weather," Osaka said. "How does rain rain?"

"Dunno," Tomo said, "but it does it all the time."

"But what's it doin' when it does it?" Osaka asked.

"Making you all wet?" Yomi suggested.

"Well, yeah," Osaka said, "but how can a thing 'thing'? It doesn't make sense."

"Verbing weirds language," Chiyo thought out loud.

"So does Osaka," said Yomi. "You could say that Osaka Osakas."


	213. Toss Your Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 28-Feb-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[strings, odd things, and sugardust](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3162331.html)" prompt.

Kagura offered a box of cookies to her friends. "I made 'em myself," she said proudly.

"Don't mind if I do." Yomi bit into a cookie. "...sorry, but there's a hair in this cookie."

Tomo almost choked on her cookie. "Ugh!! I think there's a piece of string in mine."

"Gosh, I'm sorry," Kagura said as she picked out a cookie for herself and bit into it.

* _CRUNCH!!_ *

"Miss Kagura? Are you alright?" Chiyo asked.

Kagura shook her head without lowering her hand from her mouth.

"Should we take you to the school nurse?" Yomi asked.

Kagura nodded and whimpered.


	214. A Drive To Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 4-Mar-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my troubles are going to have troubles with me](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3171011.html)" prompt.

As the rest of the class left for lunch, Yukari pulled Kagura, Tomo, and Osaka aside.

"I have to do something about your low test scores," Yukari said. "Otherwise, you might be held back."

"Wha— what are you going to do?" Kagura stammered.

"Can I take all of you out for lunch?" Yukari asked. "And then we can relax and talk about it."

"* _whew_ *" said Tomo. "I was afraid we were in trouble."

But Osaka was still worried. "We ARE in trouble," she whispered. "Miss Yukari is DRIVING."

The Knuckleheads clung to each other and began to whimper in fear.


	215. Give Voice To Your Inner Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 21-May-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I am listening to your resemblances in my body](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3192648.html)" prompt.

"Maybe you and Tomo wouldn't argue so much," Chiyo said sait to Yomi, "if you understood her better."

"We've known each other for years," Yomi said. "If anything, I understand her all TOO well."

"What does your 'Inner Tomo' say?" Chiyo asked encouragingly.

"Hmm..." Yomi suddenly struck a ridiculous pose. "LUPIN!!" she cried.

Chiyo shuddered. "Maybe not... I wonder if Tomo has an 'Inner Yomi'."

Yomi and Chiyo both turned to look at Tomo, who was sitting nearby, vacantly staring into space with a stupid look on her face.

"I don't think Tomo even has an 'Inner Tomo'," said Yomi.


	216. Double Blindfold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Jul-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3221174.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains yet another Yukari-mobile joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Yomi noticed that Chiyo and Osaka had brought blindfolds to school. "What are those for?" Yomi asked.

"Miss Yukari is driving us in the 'Yukari-mobile' later today," Chiyo said nervously, "and we thought it might be less terrifying if we couldn't see the carnage."

Osaka put on her blindfold, slowly walked towards the far wall of the classroom, and then walked into the wall and whacked her head against it with a dull thud.

"Osaka?" said Yomi. "This is only a suggestion, but you might want to wait to put on the blindfold until you actually get into the car."


	217. Keyboarded Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 22-Sep-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3243917.html)" prompt.
> 
> This contains one of the oldest jokes in the book. Reader discretion is advised.

Tomo and Yomi found Osaka sitting at a school computer. "Could y'all help me?" Osaka asked.

"What's the prob, Bob?" asked Tomo.

"It says 'Press Any Key To Continue," Osaka said, "but this keyboard doesn't have an 'Any' key."

Tomo smirked. "That's not— OUCH!!"

"I've got you," Yomi said after stomping on Tomo's foot to cut her off. She unplugged Osaka's keyboard and took it away.

A minute later, she brought it back with a laser-printed "Any" label stuck over its Esc key.

"Thanks, Yomi!" said a relieved Osaka.

"Uh, Yomi?... WHY?" Tomo asked.

"It's easier this way," Yomi said.


	218. Making Bad Deciduous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 13-Oct-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[jumping into the fallen leaves](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.

The girls were walking through a quiet neighborhood on a crisp autumn day.

Kagura saw a large pile of leaves in the corner of the lawn. "Oh, look," she said. "Wouldn't it be fun to jump into those leaves?"

"DON'T DO IT!!" Osaka cried. "Those leaves are DECIDUOUS!!"

"'Deciduous' doesn't mean they're dangerous, Osaka," said Kagura with a smile.

Chiyo paused to pick a leaf off a parked car. "Why'd you do that?" Osaka asked.

"If a wet leaf is left on a car for long," Chiyo explained, "it'll damage the paint."

Kagura gulped. "I stand corrected," she said timidly.


	219. Negated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a stick run along the palings of a fence](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.

The girls were walking to school together. Tomo picked up a large stick, held it out at arm's length, and dragged it along a private fence with a ratcheting sound.

"You shouldn't do that, Tomo," said Yomi.

"Oh? And why not?" Tomi snarked— as she came up to an open gate and a large angry (and fortunately, leashed) dog that grabbed Tomo's stick in its mouth.

"That," Yomi said.

The dog growled loudly.

Tomo ran away screaming.

"I've never seen Tomo- _chan_ run that fast," Chiyo said.

"Too bad school is in the opposite direction," Yomi said with very little sympathy.


	220. You've Got Spunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Nov-2016; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I am seeing. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3253389.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[You've got spunk!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etyO7T6WGwU)"

Yukari was pumping up her girls for the school festival competitions. "Are you all ready to KICK some ANATOMY!?"

"No," Yomi said bluntly.

"Show me your fighting spirit!" Yukari shouted. "I know you can do it!! You've got SPUNK!!"

"Spunk?" Osaka asked nervously. "That sounds serious. Maybe we should go see a doctor."

"Spunk is not a bad thing, Osaka!" said Yukari. "Spunk means you've got fire in your belly!"

"Miss Yukari?" Chiyo said tearfully. "I think I'd rather have spunk."

"I had fire in my belly once," Tomo said, "but I took bicarbonate of soda and it went away."


	221. Something's F***y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 2-Jan-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[a profound sense of strangeness](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3284216.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also [_Trailer Park Boys_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHQh-xtWcAw).

Osaka paused and looked into the distance.

"Miss Osaka? Is something wrong?" Chiyo asked.

"Something's fishy," Osaka declared.

"No, today's school lunch menu is tofu with pork," Tomo said.

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark," Osaka added.

"Do you even know where Denmark is on a map?" Yomi asked.

"Mark my words," Osaka said as she walked away. "Something is afoot."

The remaining girls paused to check the soles of their shoes.

"Do you thing something really is wrong somewhere?" Tomo asked Yomi.

"Not someTHING, but definitely someONE," Yomi said. "This is OSAKA who's saying this, after all."


	222. Pencil Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 23-May-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[pencil](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3324655.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> See also "[Pencil Rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHiUbN1YBQE)" by They Might Be Giants.

Yukari's class was studying when Osaka dropped her pencil.

Osaka raised her hand. "Miss Yukari?"

"Yes?" said Yukari.

"I dropped my pencil," Osaka said.

"I noticed," Yukari noted.

They stared at each other.

Osaka raised her hand again. "Miss Yukari?" she said again.

"Yes?" Yukari said again.

"May I pick it up?"

Yukari sighed. "Yes, Osaka."

They stared at each other again.

"Is now OK?" Osaka asked.

Yukari face-palmed. "YES, Osaka. Now is OK."

And then, Tomo also dropped her pencil.

"Tomo, you dropped your pencil," Yukari said.

"So?" said Tomo.

_NO JURY WOULD CONVICT ME_ , a seething Yukari thought.


	223. Running After The Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Jul-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[I promise I won’t run](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3327585.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Tomo ran down a school hallway past Yukari. "NO RUNNING IN THE HALLWAYS!" Yukari shouted.

Tomo stopped and turned back. "I wasn't running," she said.

"Don't lie to me, young lady!" Yukari snapped. "You're already in trouble as it is!"

"But I really wasn't running!" Tomo said earnestly. "That's just how fast I walk!"

"Regardless," Yukari said, "you need to slow down!"

"I must seem fast to YOU," Tomo said cluelessly, "because you're getting OLD."

—

Nyamo watched a furious Yukari chase a terrified Tomo across the campus.

_I didn't know that Tomo OR Yukari could run that fast,_ Nyamo thought.


	224. Looking Up To Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 7-Aug-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[the sweet apple reddens on a high branch](http://31-days.livejournal.com/3328150.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

Osaka and Kaorin watched Sakaki play volleyball from the sidelines.

"Ya sure do look up to Miss Sakaki, don't ya," Osaka said absently.

A suddenly embarrassed Kaorin stammered. "Uh, well, um, that is..."

"I mean," Osaka explained, "because she's so much taller than us."

"Oh!" Kaorin said, a bit too eagerly. "Of COURSE that's why... Osaka?"

Osaka had turned away from Kaorin to chase floaters in her eyes again.

"I thought you were 'looking up' to Miss Sakaki with me," Kaorin said smugly.

"Hang on," Osaka said. "I'll follow this floater back up to her as soon as I can."


	225. A Trying Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 27-Sep-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[in any case, try many things](https://31-days.livejournal.com/2593257.html)" prompt (back-posted to AO3 only).

Osaka found an angry Kagura by her locker. "What's wrong?" Osaka asked.

"I forgot my combination!" Kagura said. "I've tried EVERYTHING!"

"Have ya tried dynamite?" Osaka asked.

"...no," Kagura said nervously.

"How 'bout hydrochloric acid?" Osaka asked.

"I meant I've tried every NUMBER I could think of," Kagura said.

"Ooh! I know some numbers!" Osaka said eagerly. "How 'bout three point one four—"

Kagura rested a hand on Osaka's shoulder. "Osaka? Thanks, but that's enough help."

"Or six point zero two times ten to the twenty-third power?" Osaka asked.

Kagura squeezed Osaka's shoulder. "That's ENOUGH," she growled.

"Owie," said Osaka.


	226. Vertigo Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 17-Oct-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[my head is full of vertigo and screams](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329101.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This is an out-take from episode 22 of the anime.
> 
> This contains sick humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Kaorin staggered into Chiyo's summer house after riding in the Yukari-mobile. "I don't feel so good," she gasped.

"Dude!" the ever-oblivious Tomo said. "Your face is greener than your blouse!"

Kaorin held a hand to her mouth. 'Oh no..."

"Are ya gonna hurl?" Tomo asked excitedly.

"Geez, Tomo!" said Kagura. "Don't be a jerk!"

"But she's TOTALLY gonna SPEW!" Tomo cried.

Sakaki grabbed Kaorin and dragged her to the toilet, just in time.

"If you're not gonna HELP her," Yomi yelled, "at least BACK OFF!"

Tomo blinked in confusion. "She didn't look like she needed any help with barfing— OUCH!!"


	227. This Is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 19-Nov-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[closer to fine](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3329779.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains more Tomo abuse and a Dad Joke. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls were buying cold drinks from vending machines.

Tomo drained her drink in one gulp. After recovering from a ice-cream headache, she tossed her cup on the ground.

"What are you DOING!?" Yomi yelled. "There's a trash-can RIGHT HERE!"

"Didn't you see the sign?" Tomo said smugly. "This area is FINE for LITTERING!"

Yomi face-palmed. "Kagura? Sakaki?" she said. "Help me throw away that TRASH."

A moment later, Tomo found herself in the trash-bin. "Joke's on you!" she said. "This trash-bag is empty an' clean!"

Yomi held her iced drink over Tomo's head.

"YOMI!!" cried Tomo. "You WOULDN'T— EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"


	228. Blubber Flubber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 8-Dec-2017; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[cold through your mittens](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3330148.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains even more Tomo abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls were walking to school together on a cold winter morning.

"Scarves and mittens don't help much," a shivering Chiyo said, "when we have to wear short-skirted uniforms."

"We should all wear stockings like Miss Yomi," said Osaka. "I bet those stockings keep her legs warm."

"Really?" Tomo said smugly. "I thought Yomi's blubber kept her warm."

The other girls immediately backed away from Tomo and a seething Yomi.

"Do you have a DEATH WISH," Kagura asked Tomo, "or are you REALLY that STUPID!?"

"Well, I don't have a death wish," Tomo said, just before she was rendered unconscious.


	229. Loosing Her Compass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 11-Jan-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[turn not thy back to the compass](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3331131.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).
> 
> This contains horrible screeching noises. Reader discretion is advised.

Osaka walked up to Chiyo during a break between classes, and held up a large wooden blackboard compass. "Look what I found!"

"Do you know how to use that, Miss Osaka?" asked Chiyo.

"I sure do!" Osaka walked up to the blackboard, held the compass completely wrong, and made horrible screeching noises with it.

Yukari stormed into the classroom, stomped up to Osaka, took the compass away from Osaka, and then broke it over her raised knee.

"Oh!" Osaka said sadly. "How'm I gonna draw a circle now?"

"Hopefully," Chiyo whimpered, "you'll come up with a method that's less painful."


	230. Career Pathology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 12-Feb-2018; humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](http://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[it's hard to make a decision on something you have never experience or do not understand](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3332043.html)" prompt (posted to AO3 only).

"Have you decided on a career path?" Nyamo asked Yomi during a break between classes.

"Not yet," Yomi said. "I haven't held a part-time job like Kagura, and I don't have any real-world experience."

"Surely you've learned at least one practical skill by now," Nyamo said, as Yukari walked up.

"Well," Yomi said, "after going to school with Tomo, I have several years' experience in dealing with idiots."

"Have you considered teaching?" Yukari asked.

Nyamo gave her a dirty look. "What?" Yukari said indignantly.

"Teaching doesn't imply dealing with idiots," Nyamo said, "just because *I* have to deal with YOU."


	231. There Goes The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Published 20-Apr-2018; horror?/humor; 100 words.
> 
> For the [**31_days**](https://31-days.livejournal.com/) "[and so the night ate the sun](https://31-days.livejournal.com/3336873.html)" prompt.
> 
> See also "[There Goes The Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiZRmm1fnnI)" by Pernice Brothers.
> 
> This contains Osakan psychological horror. Reader discretion is advised.

The girls were saying their goodbyes after walking part of the way home from school together.

"I'll see y'all tomorrow mornin'," Osaka said. "That is, if the sun rises again in the mornin'."

"Don't be silly, Miss Osaka!" said Chiyo. "Why would the sun NOT rise tomorrow morning?"

"It has every day up 'til now," Osaka said as she walked away, "but ya never know when it might NOT."

The other girls looked at each other nervously... as the sun slowly fell towards the horizon.

"Raise your hand," Yomi said suddenly, "if you won't sleep tonight."

Everybody raised their hand.


End file.
